Dr Jew

don't know anything about the law, but if you can find this Dr. Jew you can sue him for holding you prisoner and being mean. Then you wouldn't have to be a dentist."
    "Thank God," said Adam. "I didn't really want to be a dentist. But how do we find Dr. Jew? It was a dark and spooky night when we escaped yesterday. I don't think we can find his house again."
    "Think hard," said Ueda. "There must be a clue, a trail that will lead you back to him."
    "I can 't think of anything," said Adam.
    "Adam!" said Eve. "Remember the other day? Dr. Jew talked to that musician who was working on a movie. They kept talking about a director. We heard it all."
    "Oh yeah," said Adam. "So what?"
    " I think I remember the guy's name they kept talking about. The director's name. It was something… like a snake. Like a hissing snake. Serpento or something."
    "Sergio Simpatico?" said Ueda.
    "Yeah, that's it!" said Eve.
    "That doesn 't mean snake," said Ueda. "That's Hispanic for friendly hombre ."
    "We don 't care, goddamn it," said Adam. "We just want vengeance! Vengeance shall be ours. This I swear. For reals."
    "You 've heard of this director?" said Eve.
    " Oh yes," said Ueda. "Sergio Simpatico is one of America's finest directors. I remember sitting in a movie theater just ten years ago and seeing his version of The Diary of Anne Frank .
    "Anne who?" said Eve.
    "Anne Frank," said Ueda. "Anne Frank was a real Jewish girl who wrote a famous diary during World War II. She and her family hid from the Nazis in the 'secret annex' of a building. Simpatico took this premise and merged the story into a Tolkienoid fantasy with orcs and druids and magic. In his film of The Diary , the Nazis who finally come down on the Franks are launched through a secret passage within the secret annex that leads to another world – or another dimension – Simpatico left it ambiguous for the audience to decide – which spawned a series of sequels that followed these 'Nice Nazis' through time and space and ultimately led to their redemption so that when they returned to the Europe of 1945 they had embraced a whole new paradigm and couldn't go back to their lives as drones in the crumbling echelons of the Third Reich."
    "Wait, what are we talking about?" said Adam.
    "So what did the Nazis do with themselves when they returned to Earth?" said Swan.
    "What?" said Ueda. "You haven't seen those films, Swan? Well, without giving too much away I'll let you know that the Nice Nazis needed a change. Oh yeah. At the start of the fifth film, Swath of Children , they headed south into darkest Africa and briefly tried to redeem themselves as missionaries. That was my least favorite in the series, but still a fine film. Then they traveled to India and became superheroes and fought burglars and infiltrated a pedophile ring – I know it sounds ridiculous but you should just watch the films, it makes complete sense. Sergio Simpatico won his only Academy Award for that one. Don't you remember that speech he gave when he got the Best Picture Oscar and went on and on for like a half hour about the horrors of pedophilia and he went into such detail that it's de facto he'll never get an Oscar again. Not when you give a speech like that. There's a time and place and as much as I enjoy Simpatico's films I still don't know what that speech was about.
    "The last film in the series has the Nazis dying of cancer – it was actually a comedy and pretty darn funny. You're thinking: What's so funny about cancer? That was actually the tagline on the movie posters and boy did Simpatico deliver. Chemo Big Time tanked at the theaters but has done okay on DVD and Blu-ray. It has a real cult following. That's also the one where Anne Frank comes back as a zombie and the Nice Nazis ironically have to kill her because they're now good. It's funny – in real life, the surviving ancestors of Anne waited till that film to sue Simpatico and the studio. They'd been cool raking in the cash on the other films, but apparently turning Anne into a zombie went too far or something."
    "Weird," said Swan.
    "I know," said Ueda. "They settled out of court. And since the Nice Nazis died in that last movie you'd think that would be the end of it. That came out in 2009. But Simpatico fans – me – are hoping and rumors are always swirling about how they'll come back as zombies too, or ghosts or something equally ingenious. But Simpatico hasn't touched the franchise since then. He's working on a Swine-AIDS film.