Dr Jew

I'll go see it, sure, but I would love another film with the Nice Nazis. Funny that it all began with Anne Frank and eventually had little to do with her."
    "What happened to Anne Frank? " said Eve. "You said she became a zombie."
    "Anne and her family were exterminated at the start of the second film, Revenge of the Diary of Anne Frank . Sure, they escaped the Nazis in the first film thanks to a healthy dose of fantasy, but more Nazis came a few weeks later."
    "Why didn 't Anne escape the Nazis by going through the secret passage to another dimension or whatever?" said Adam.
    "Good question, I 'm glad you asked," said Ueda. "You see, the secret passage within the secret annex was mysteriously sealed . Anne Frank went to the gas chamber never knowing why she couldn't escape."
    "I 'll bite," said Adam. "Why was the magic passage sealed? Why couldn't Anne escape into the fantasy dimension where they sent the first Nazis?"
    "I thought yo u'd want to know," said Ueda, "but are you sure you want me to tell you? You should really just see the films."
    "Nah, go ahead," said Adam.
    "Okay," said Ueda. "You see, those first Nazis were lured into the secret fantasy realm by Mooshi, the cat that lived with Anne Frank and the others. Mooshi risked her life to lure those Nazis away, and probably thought she'd never see Earth again. She arrived with the Nazis on a delightful yet frightening world. Everyone was confused, disoriented. Naturally – they weren't on Earth! When she passed through the magic passage, Mooshi had been transformed into a black girl of indeterminate age with beautiful cornrows and the Nazis were both flustered and fascinated by the girl's dark skin – my theory is that they later went to Africa because of Mooshi. Mooshi told the Nazis that she had sealed the door behind them so they could not return to Earth and pester the Franks. It was tragic, because anyone could tell Mooshi preferred being a cat to being human, but her love for Anne and the others outweighed her wish to stay in cat form and with the family. She told the Nazis this and they fell madly in love with her and jealously plotted against each other in that film, nearly bringing about their destruction – and driving Mooshi crazy in the process! – until Mooshi chose to be with Paul, the shyest Nazi. They were married by the Golden Unicorn on Caramel Mountain at the end of the first film. It was a simple story that won the hearts of millions with its universal message. Some people protested the film because the girl playing Mooshi was only six and Paul was forty-three, but you know what? Six is about forty-two in cat years. Yeah, a lot of people didn't think of that. If they had, we might have been saved a lot of grief. Perhaps that pedophilia speech at the Oscars was Simpatico's way of getting those people off his back. God only knows."
    "Ueda Sensei," said Swan, seeing his instructor in a new light, "I had no idea you were so passionate about anything except the martial arts."
    Ueda smacked Swan lightly in the back of the head. "Have you learned nothing from me?" said Ueda. "You must never underestimate what lies hidden all around you. Not just fighting. The tip of the iceberg is everywhere and the rest is hidden."
    "I try ," said Swan.
    "Even your own mind is hidden from you," said Ueda.
    "So this Simpatico guy is pretty famous," said Adam. "So we should be able to find him easy. And then maybe he can lead us to Dr. Jew."
    "Finding Simpatico may be easy," said Ueda. "He lives in San Francisco and the Simpaticofilm Limited offices are also here, in the Presidio. Reaching him and speaking to him… not so easy. I've tried."
    "You leave that to me," said Adam.
    "What are you going to do?" said Eve.
    "I don 't know."

XXIV.

    That night at dinner, Swan told Dave and Anne all about it.
    "Slow down, boy," said Dave. "You'll choke on your own guts."
    "Itguzjust zuch inickzitngday," said Swan.
    "What?" said Dave.
    Swan swallowed the Brussels sprouts and saliva largely unchewed. "It was such an exciting day, Uncle Dave. Ueda Sensei even let them join the morning class while he figured out what to do with them."
    "Well, that 's his business," said Dave. "I would've left 'em naked in the park. But I guess Ueda's a nicer guy than me. How's your training coming along? You ready to fight some bad guys now?"
    "Shouldn 't he be studying in school, not a karate studio?" said Anne.
    "Oh, it 's jiu-jitsu, Aunt Anne. And I don't miss school. Nobody makes fun