Dream of Me/Believe in Me

“I think there are more things in God's Creation than we know and that they all serve some higher purpose. But as to the present situation, I do see now why you are so concerned. However, I counsel you to make no hasty decisions or take any intemperate action. This requires deep thought.”
    “I fear I have no more to give it,” Krysta said and laid her head back against the pillows. Yet the queen's injunction relieved her somewhat. Though she despised herself for so weak a thought, she could not help but hope for just a little more time before she and Hawk parted.
    Eahlswith's mind seemed to be running in a similar direction, for she asked, “If you believe you cannot marry and you know you cannot return to your family's lands, what then did you think to do?”
    “I didn't think,” Krysta admitted, “at least not until today.” She took another breath, certain she was about to shock the queen yet again. Though the very thought of leaving Hawk was as a dagger in her heart, standing in the scriptorium that day a fleeting wish had come to her that if she must survive without him, she might at least be able to give her life to some useful work. It would be no consolation for the pain certain to assail her but it might at least give purpose to her otherwise empty days. “I wonder if there might be someplace for a woman who is interested in learning. Men with such an inclination may enter the priesthood or become monks. Is there anything like that for women?”
    Eahlswith hesitated, clearly uncertain of how much she should say. But once more, innate honesty compelled her. “There are abbeys for women, under the rule of abbesses who often are themselves devoted to learning. So far, there are only a few such places but I have founded one myself and mean to found others.” She looked at Krysta closely. “Entry to such a place would require you to take holy orders. Do you believe you could do that?”
    “I don't know,” Krysta said candidly, “nor do I know if any abbey would consider accepting one such as me.”
    “My own dear sister is abbess of the foundation I endowed. She is a most sensible woman who also possesses a kind heart. However, we leap ahead. It is far too soon to be considering any such thing.” The queen paused, looking at Krysta closely. “I would counsel you to think long and hard, my dear. It is no small matter to reject marriage with a great lord and seek the sanctuary of holy orders instead. Such a step, once taken, could never be renounced.”
    A short while later, the queen departed with admonitions that Krysta should rest. She lay for a little time listening to the sounds of the town floating up through the windows. The light breeze was very pleasant and the room smelled prettily of dried flowers gathered in bouquets. A starling lit on the windowsill and peered at her for a moment before darting off. She was drifting in a state halfway between consciousness and dreams when the door was flung open. Hawk strode into the chamber, went directly to the bed, and grabbed hold of her. He gave her a little shake as he stared at her with stark concern.
    “What's the matter with you? What's wrong?”
    So startled was she by his sudden appearance that Krysta needed a moment to get her breath. “I'm fine, really. I just felt a little ill, that's all, but it was nothing—”
    “What do you mean ‘a little ill’? Do you have a fever?” He landed a hand on her brow. “No, you don't. What's wrong then? Does something hurt?”
    Astounded by his obvious worry, Krysta strove to reassure him. “My stomach was upset, that's all.” No need to mention that she was also dizzy; the man was flustered enough as it was and wasn't that amazing? Who would ever have imagined the great Hawk of Essex worried because she had a stomachache?
    He shook his head, let her go abruptly, and began pacing back and forth beside the bed, all the while glowering down at her with mingled relief and exasperation. “It's because you don't eat right.”
    “It is not! And don't start that again. I just felt a little queasy, that's all.” She almost added that having to deal with Lady Esa might have had something to do with making her nauseated.
    “How did you find out I wasn't well?”
    “One of the maids told me.” He looked at her a little more calmly. “Are you sure you're feeling better? Alfredhas excellent doctors here. Perhaps one of them should see to you.”
    “The queen has already seen to me and very