Dream of Me/Believe in Me

thought.
    “There, there,” the queen said gently. “My poor child, you must tell me what distresses you so. I will do everything in my power to see it put to rights.”
    Deeply embarrassed by her display of emotion and at the same time grateful for the queen's kindness, Krysta shook her head helplessly. “I thank you, my lady, but truly I don't believe there is anything you can do.”
    “Oh, no?” Eahlswith gave her a very womanly smile. “I have always been a good and obedient wife. Anyone will tell you that I have never failed to defer to my husband in all matters. However, you should not think for a moment that means Alfred does not hear my views.”
    She sat back, gave Krysta a warm smile, and said, “Now let us see if we can get to the root of this problem. First, are you homesick?”
    “Why does everyone ask me that? Or at least Hawk did. I am not homesick. My home was gone the moment I left it. My half-brother rules there now and I knew I would never want to return even presuming he would allow me, which he has made clear he will not.”
    “He told you that? What a dreadful thing to say. What manner of man is he that he should be so unkind?”
    “An angry and resentful man who never forgave our father for taking a second wife, my mother. But in allfairness, I have to say there were … complications with that union.”
    “I am sorry to hear it but these things happen. Many men remarry after being widowed. If you are not homesick, then are you unhappy about your betrothal to Lord Hawk? It is only natural for a young girl to be concerned when she is sent to wed a stranger. I well remember my own concern when that happened to me. But truly, you have nothing to fear from Lord Hawk. He is an exemplary man.”
    “I know that,” Krysta said. “Believe me, I hold him in the highest esteem. But it is for that very reason that I …” She was well aware of the import of what she was about to say. But the queen looked so kindly and understanding, and Krysta so badly needed to confide in another. “I cannot marry him.”
    Eahlswith stared at her for a long moment as though trying to interpret words she must certainly have misunderstood. Slowly, it dawned on her that she had not. Her eyes widened in alarm. “You cannot marry him? But child, think what that means! Your marriage is the hope for peace between our peoples. It was arranged by the king himself and the great jarl of Sciringesheal, Hawk's own brother-in-law. Believe me, I understand the burden of being wed in such a way for so was I, but you must put aside whatever fears you carry and do what is right. Far too much depends on it.”
    “It is because I must do what is right that I cannot marry him. Too much hinges on this marriage to take the risk that—”
    “That what? Child, this is gravely serious. You must tell me everything that is in your mind that I may have some hope of understanding how you could possibly have come to such a dire conclusion.”
    “I may as well tell you,” Krysta said, her voice very low. “Sven told everyone at Hawkforte so I suppose word of it will reach here soon enough.” Quietly, without lookingat the queen, she related the story of her mother. As she did so, she was certain that Eahlswith must be greatly shocked and even repelled, for surely such a tale would dismay any Christian woman.
    But when she had finished, the older woman only sighed deeply and shook her head. “My poor child, what a dreadful weight to bear upon your young shoulders. But whatever the truth of it, and I would not presume to judge that, you have no reason to think you are other than a mortal woman.” She put a finger beneath Krysta's chin and tilted her head up so that she had to meet her gaze. “Do you?”
    Krysta thought of Raven and Thorgold, and of the glimpses she sometimes had of a world other folk did not seem to see. Softly, she said, “In all honesty, there are circumstances in my life that sometimes have made me wonder.” She took a deep breath, feeling strangely calm all of a sudden with all the strength drained out of her. Wearily, she said, “I came thinking somehow I could make everything all right but I realize now how foolish that was. Hawk deserves better. Even more than that, do you truly believe any union so shadowed can be pleasing in the eyes of God, enough so to be the basis for lasting peace?”
    The queen was an honest woman; she could not say what she truly did not believe. Her gentle face looked somber.