Eric

it that isn’t a philosophical question,” said Rincewind, “I take it you mean: why are we here at the dawn of creation on this beach which has hardly been used?”
    “Yes. That’s what I meant.”
    Rincewind sat down on a rock and sighed. “I think it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” he said. “You wanted to live forever.”
    “I didn’t say anything about traveling in time,” said Eric. “I was very clear about it so there’d be no tricks.”
    “There isn’t a trick. The wish is trying to be helpful. I mean, it’s pretty obvious when you think about it. ‘Forever’ means the entire span of space and time. Forever. For Ever. See?”
    “You mean you have to sort of start at Square One?”
    “Precisely.”
    “But that’s no good! It’s going to be years before there’s anyone else around!”
    “Centuries,” corrected Rincewind gloomily. “Millennia. Iains. And then there’s going to be all kinds of wars and monsters and stuff. Most of history is pretty appalling, when you look hard at it. Or even not very hard.”
    “But what I meant was, I just wanted to go on living forever from now ,” said Eric frantically. “I mean, from then . I mean, look at this place. No girls. No people. Nothing to do on Saturday nights…”
    “It won’t even have any Saturday nights for thousands of years,” said Rincewind. “Just nights.”
    “You must take me back at once,” said Eric. “I order it. Avaunt!”
    “You say that one more time and I will give you a thick ear,” said Rincewind.
    “But all you have to do is snap your fingers!”
    “It won’t work. You’ve had your three wishes. Sorry.”
    “What shall I do?”
    “Well, if you see anything crawl out of the sea and try to breathe, you could try telling it not to bother.”
    “You think this is funny, don’t you?”
    “It is rather amusing, since you mention it,” said Rincewind, his face expressionless.
    “The joke’s going to be wearing pretty thin over the years, then,” said Eric.
    “What?”
    “Well, you’re not going to go anywhere, are you? You’ll have to stay with me.”
    “Nonsense, I’ll—” Rincewind looked around desperately. I’ll what? he thought.
    The waves rolled peacefully up the beach, not very strongly at the moment because they were still feeling their way. The first high tide was coming in, cautiously. There was no tideline, no streaky line of old seaweed and shells to give it some idea of what was expected of it. The air had the clean, fresh smell of air that has yet to know the effusions of a forest floor or the ins and outs of a ruminant’s digestive system.
    Rincewind had grown up in Ankh-Morpork. He liked air that had been around a bit, had got to know people, had been lived in.
    “We’ve got to get back,” he said urgently.
    “That’s what I’ve been saying,” said Eric, with strained patience.
    Rincewind took another bite of the sandwich. He’d looked death in the face many times, or more precisely Death had looked him in the back of his rapidly retreating head many times, and suddenly the prospect of living forever didn’t appeal. There were of course great questions he might learn the answer to, such as how life evolved and all the rest of it, but looked at as a way of spending all your spare time for the next infinity it wasn’t a patch on a quiet evening strolling through the streets of Ankh.
    Still, he’d acquired an ancestor. That was something. Not everyone had an ancestor. What would his ancestor have done in a situation like this?
    He wouldn’t have been here.
    Well, yes, of course, but apart from that, he would have—he would have used his fine military mind to consider the tools available, that’s what he would have done.
    He had: item, one half-eaten egg and cress sandwich. No help there. He threw it away.
    He had: item, himself. He drew a tick in the sand. He wasn’t certain what use he could be, but he could come back to that later.
    He had: item, Eric. Thirteen-year-old demonologist and acne attack ground zero.
    That seemed to be about it.
    He stared at the clean, fresh sand for a while, doodling in it.
    Then he said, quietly: “Eric. Come here a moment…”

    The waves were a lot stronger now. They had really got the hang of the tide thing, and were venturing a little ebb and flow.
    Astfgl materialized in a puff of blue smoke.
    “Aha!” he said, but this fell rather flat because there was no one to hear it.
    He looked down. There were footprints in the