Everything Changes

driver’s license, right? What do I know? Not for nothing, but I made sure he understood there would be no refunds.”
    I hate people who start sentences with “not for nothing.” What does that actually mean, anyway?
    “I hear you,” I say agreeably. “That’s why I made a point of coming up in person to speak with you. Pete speaks very highly of you. He’s very bright, in his own way, and I understand that he might have convinced you that a driver’s license was a possibility for him. But it isn’t, and he has absolutely no use for the car, so what we’d like to do is just give it back and chalk it up to a friendly misunderstanding.”
    Satch appears to be lost in thought for a moment, mulling over the situation. “If you want me to try to sell it for him, I guess I could help him out like that,” he says.
    “We didn’t come here to ask you to sell it,” I say. “We came here to return a car that should never have been sold to him in the first place.”
    “I’m sorry,” he says with a frown. “I made the terms very clear to Pete, and I can’t just take it back.”
    “Not for nothing, Satch,” Matt chimes in sarcastically. “But we’re not here to ask. The car is already back. Now we want Pete’s money.”
    “Shut up, Matt,” I say, spinning quickly on him. “We’re going to work this out.” I turn back to Satch with a conciliatory grin. This is all a negotiation, and if there’s one thing I can do, it’s negotiate from the middle. “Now, Satch, I understand that the car has been off the market for two days, and that it’s possible you’ve missed some other selling opportunities. So how about we knock fifty bucks off the top for your trouble. I think that’s a pretty fair compromise, no?”
    A small grin appears and then fades on Satch’s face. He sees the game I’ve started and is ready to play. “I’ll take it back for five hundred,” he says, nodding.
    “Fuck that,” Matt says.
    “Nine hundred,” I say.
    “Five-fifty.”
    “You had no business selling that car to him in the first place,” I say. “Eight-fifty, and that’s my final offer.”
    “Six hundred,” Satch says. “Who the hell gives a retard a checking account anyway?”
    “That’s it!” Norm yells, stepping forward, eyeballing Satch with disgust. “I can’t listen to this anymore. It’s bad enough that you took advantage of a mentally impaired man. But I’m not going to sit here and let you disparage him on top of that. You not only owe us a thousand bucks, you owe us an apology. Now, I’ll live without the apology, considering the source, but you damn well better believe that I’m not leaving here without that money. So we can do this quick, or we can drag it out. I’ve got nowhere I need to be.”
    Satch makes a show of walking right up to Norm to stand in his face. “And who the fuck are you?”
    “I’m Pete’s father,” Norm says. “And I know your father, George. I helped him board up that window right there when the store was vandalized in the seventies. I’m sure he would agree with me that this is something that needs to be undone.”
    “Well, Pete’s father,” Satch says. “George is my grandfather, not my father, and you could go visit him in the nursing home to discuss it with him, except that he might not have time, what with his busy schedule of shitting his pants and asking what his name is.”
    “I’m sorry to hear that,” Norm says respectfully. Then he steps right into Satch’s face, his belly brushing up against the younger man’s belt, and stares unwaveringly into his eyes. “Now, I’m through talking about this, so please, would you just give me my son’s money.”
    “Jesus Christ,” Satch says, taking a step back. “What are you, getting hard on my leg?” And sure enough, there it is, the unmistakable protuberance in Norm’s pants. “You crazy faggot!”
    “That’s right,” Norm shouts, eyes suddenly bulging, teeth bared. “I’m a crazy faggot. I get off on this shit. And there’s nothing I like better than ass-fucking jarheads, so you’d better get me that goddamn money now.”
    “You sick fuck!” Satch says, roughly shoving Norm, who loses his balance and falls on his ass.
    “Don’t you touch him!” Matt howls, and launches himself onto Satch’s back, throwing his arms around his neck, and the situation has officially gone to hell. Matt gets off two or three glancing blows to the side of Satch’s head before the larger man