Existence 03 - Ceaseless

room and started to open it then changed my mind and knocked first. I did not want to see Nathan’s bare ass. No one answered. I unlocked the door and went inside. Miranda’s bed was a mess and I decided I didn’t want to think about that. I would focus on Dank Walker talking in my head. Was he a wizard? T hat sounded stupid even saying it. Was he into Voodoo because I’d heard Gee say something about voodoo more than once. No , that didn’t make any sense.
    The door swung open and Miranda came in smiling from ear to ear.
    “I am so freaking in love,” she said with a happy sigh and closed the door behind her. Leaning back against it she turned her bright , very pleased face my way.
    “I’d say you were in lust since you just met the guy,” I decided to be honest. She was delusional if she thought she was in love.
    “Lust, love it all goes together,” she replied with a wave of her hand.
    I knew for a fact that it did not all go together. I had experienced lust with Dank but I ’ d never loved him.
    “Sorry about earlier , but Pagan you have no idea how good he is.”
    “Please stop right now. I do not want to hear the details of your sex life. I could hear it. I am very aware that you were enjoying yourself.”
    Miranda giggled and skipped over to her bed and fell face down on it and began smelling her pillow. “He is wonderful and he smells so good.”
    “Good to know.” I replied.
    “Oh, I heard you went to coffee with Jay. How’d that go?” Miranda asked , hugging the pillow to her chest.
    “It went good until I dropped my coffee and spilled it all over both of us. I think I may end up with a blister on my hand. It burned me good.”
    Miranda covered her mouth, “Oh no! Did Jay get mad?”
    I had no idea how Jay reacted because all I could think about was Dank… in my head. I couldn’t exactly tell her that though. “He was startled and then he laughed. Not much else to it. We had to leave so we could both go home and change.”
    Miranda started laughing and couldn’t stop. I had to grin because it was funny. I’d m ore than likely ruined Jay’s shirt. I should probably offer to buy him a new one.
    “They’re having a party at the frat house tonight. I can bring anyone I want. Jay would love for you to come. Even if you did burn his body.”
    I didn’t think facing Victoria at a frat party was something I wanted to tackle just yet. Besides Jay and I were just friends and he’d end up with some girl and I’d be left alone to swat off drunken frat boys all night. Nope , not up for that. “I would rather just stay here. Get some more homework done and go to bed early.”
    Miranda sighed and shook her head, “You are missing out on the fun things in college.”
    I’d tried havin g some college fun and it hadn’t ended so well.

    Miranda was staying with Nathan after the party . This was more than likely going to become a trend. I didn’t like being alone at night but I figured Gee was right next-door. I snuggled under the covers and closed my eyes. Just as I started to fall asleep the strums of a guitar filled my room. I tried to open my eyes but I couldn’t. Panic started to set in. I wasn’t asleep yet. Why wouldn’t my eyes open.
    It’s just me , Pagan
    Dank’s voice was in my head again. I needed to open my eyes. Something was very wrong. Then he began singing the hauntingly familiar song that I’d heard at his concert. The song that had sent me into a panic attack. This time there was no fear. Just warmth.
    “You weren’t meant for the ice. You weren’t made for the pain. The world that lives inside of me brought only shame.
    You were meant for castles and living in the sun . The cold running through me should have made you run.
    Yet you stay holding onto me . Yet you stay reaching out a hand that I pushed away . Yet you stay when I know it’s not right for you . Yet you stay . Yet you stay .
    I can’t feel the warmth. I need to feel the ice . I want to hold it all in until I can’t feel the knife. So I push you away and I scream out your name . I know I can’t need you yet you give in anyway .
    Yet you stay holding onto me . Yet you stay reaching out a hand that I pushed away . Yet you stay when I know it’s not right for you . Yet you stay . Yet you stay .
    I can’t feel the warmth. I need to feel the ice. I want to hold it all in until I can’t feel the knife . So I push you away and I scream out your name . And I know I can’t need you yet you give in