Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

all the information had been coiled within me like a spring, everything that was happening had happened before and would happen again, “I don't recognize the world anymore,” Anna's father said, Anna rolled onto her back, behind a wall of books through which voices and pipe smoke escaped, “I want to make love,” Anna whispered, I knew exactly what to do, night was arriving, trains were departing, I lifted her skirt, Mr. Goldberg said, “I've never recognized it more,” and I could hear him breathing on the other side of the books, if he had taken one from the shelf he would have seen everything. But the books protected us. I was in her for only a second before I burst into flames, she whimpered, Mr. Goldberg stomped his foot and let out a cry like a wounded animal, I asked her if she was upset, she shook her head no, I fell onto her, resting my cheek against her chest, and I saw your mother's face in the second-floor window, “Then why are you crying?” I asked, exhausted and experienced, “War!” Mr. Goldberg said, angry and defeated, his voice trembling: “We go on killing each other to no purpose! It is war waged by humanity against humanity, and it will only end when there's no one left to fight!” She said, “It hurt.”
    Do you know what time it is?
    Every morning before breakfast, and before I come here, your mother and I go to the guest room, the animals follow us, I thumb through the blank pages and gesture laughter and gesture tears, if she asks what I'm laughing or crying about, I tap my finger on the page, and if she asks, “Why?” I press her hand against her heart, and then against my heart, or I touch her forefinger to the mirror, or touch it, quickly, against the hotplate, sometimes I wonder if she knows, I wonder in my Nothingest moments if she's testing me, if she types nonsense all day long, or types nothing at all, just to see what I'll do in response, she wants to know if I love her, that's all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet, “Don't let anyone see it,” I told her that morning she first showed it to me, and maybe I was trying to protect her, and maybe I was trying to protect myself, “We'll have it be our secret until it's perfect. We'll work on it together. We'll make it the greatest book anyone has ever written.” “You think that's possible?” she asked, outside, leaves fell from the trees, inside, we were letting go of our concern for that kind of truth, “I do,” I said by touching her arm, “If we try hard enough.” She reached her hands in front of her and found my face, she said, “I'm going to write about this.” Ever since that day I've been encouraging her, begging her, to write more, to shovel deeper, “Describe his face,” I tell her, running my hand over the empty page, and then, the next morning, “Describe his eyes,” and then, holding the page to the window, letting it fill with light, “Describe his irises,” and then, “His pupils.” She never asks, “Whose?” She never asks, “Why?” Are they my own eyes on those pages? I've seen the left stack double and quadruple, I've heard of asides that have become tangents that have become passages that have become chapters, and I know, because she told me, that what was once the second sentence is now the second-to-last. Just two days ago she said that her life story was happening faster than her life, “What do you mean?” I asked with my hands, “So little happens,” she said, “and I'm so good at remembering.” “You could write about the store?” “I've described every diamond in the case.” “You could write about other people.” “My life story is the story of everyone I've ever met.” “You could write about your feelings.” She asked, “Aren't my life and my feelings the same thing?”
    Excuse me, where do you get tickets?
    I have so much to tell you, the problem isn't that I'm running out of time, I'm running out of room, this book is filling up, there couldn't be enough pages, I looked around the apartment this morning for one last time and there was writing everywhere, filling the walls and mirrors, I'd rolled up the rugs so I could write on the floors, I'd written on the windows and around the bottles of wine we were given but never drank, I wear only short sleeves, even when it's cold, because my arms are books, too. But there's too much