Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

the pouch of my overalls.
    But then, even though I'd gotten what I wanted, I went to the'S drawer. Antonin Scalia, G. L. Scarborough, Lord Leslie George Scarman, Maurice Scève, Anne Wilson Schaef, Jack Warner Schaefer, Iris Scharmel, Robert Haven Schaufner, Barry Scheck, Johann Schefner, Jean de Schelandre ... And then I saw it: Schell.
    At first I was relieved, because I felt like everything I'd done had been worth it, because I'd made Dad into a Great Man who was bio-graphically significant and would be remembered. But then I examined the card, and I saw that it wasn't Dad.
    I wish I had known that I wasn't going to see Mr. Black again when we shook hands that afternoon. I wouldn't have let go. Or I would have forced him to keep searching with me. Or I would have told him about how Dad called when I was home. But I didn't know, just like I didn't know it was the last time Dad would ever tuck me in, because you never know. So when he said, “I'm finished. I hope you understand,” I said, “I understand,” even though I didn't understand. I never went to find him on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, because I was happier believing he was there than finding out for sure.
    I kept looking for the lock after he told me he was finished, but it wasn't the same.
    I went to Far Rockaway and Boerum Hill and Long Island City.
    I went to Dumbo and Spanish Harlem and the Meatpacking District.
    I went to Flatbush and Tudor City and Little Italy.
    I went to Bedford-Stuyvesant and Inwood and Red Hook.
    I don't know if it was because Mr. Black wasn't with me anymore, or because I'd been spending so much time making plans with the renter to dig up Dad's grave, or just because I'd been looking for so long without finding anything, but I no longer felt like I was moving in the direction of Dad. I'm not even sure I believed in the lock anymore.
    The last Black I visited was Peter. He lived in Sugar Hill, which is in Hamilton Heights, which is in Harlem. A man was sitting on the stoop when I walked up to the house. He had a little baby on his knee, who he was talking to, even though babies don't understand language, obviously. “Are you Peter Black?” “Who's asking?” “Oskar Schell.” He patted the step, which meant I could sit next to him if I wanted, which I thought was nice, but I wanted to stand. “That's your baby?” “Yes.” “Can I pet her?” “Him.” “Can I pet him?” “Sure,” he said. I couldn't believe how soft his head was, and how little his eyes were, and his fingers. “He's very vulnerable,” I said. “He is,” Peter said, “but we keep him pretty safe.” “Does he eat normal food?” “Not yet. Just milk for now.” “Does he cry a lot?” “I'd say so. Definitely feels like a lot.” “But babies don't get sad, right? He's just hungry or something.” “We'll never know.” I liked watching the baby make fists. I wondered if he could have thoughts, or if he was more like a nonhuman animal. “Do you want to hold him?” “I don't think that's a very good idea.” “Why not?” “I don't know how to hold a baby.” “If you want to, I'll show you. It's easy.” “OK.” “Why don't you sit down?” he said. “Here you go. Now put one of your hands under here. Like that. Good. Now put the other around his head. That's right. You can kind of hold it against your chest. Right. Like that. You've got it. Just like that. He's as happy as can be.” “This is good?” “You're doing great.” “What's his name?” “Peter.” “I thought that was your name.” “We're both Peter.” It made me wonder for the first time why I wasn't named after Dad, although I didn't wonder about the renter's name being Thomas. I said, “Hi, Peter. I'll protect you.”
    When I got home that afternoon, after eight months of searching New York, I was exhausted and frustrated and pessimistic, even though what I wanted to be was happy.
    I went up to my laboratory, but I didn't feel like performing any experiments. I didn't feel like playing the tambourine, or spoiling Buck-minster, or arranging my collections, or looking through Stuff That Happened to Me.
    Mom and Ron were hanging out in the family room, even though he wasn't part of our family. I went to the kitchen to get some dehydrated ice cream. I looked over at the telephone. The new phone. It looked back at me. Whenever it would ring, I'd scream, “The phone's ringing!” because I didn't want to touch it. I didn't even want