Fall from Love

beneath my hands. “That may be a while, so don’t hold your breath.” I glance over at her.
    “Baby steps.” She smiles gently and then disappears down the hall.
    I stare down at the paper in front of me. My pen taps in a rhythmic beat against the sheet as I read back over the lyrics I have written so far. They are okay, I guess, but not great. Oh, who am I kidding, it’s crap and they’re depressing as shit. Crumpling the piece of paper in my hand, I throw it in the trash and head to my bedroom to get ready for school.
     
    ❧
     
    I park on the west side of campus in the lot adjacent to the Journalism building. Campus feels different, weird. In the past few years, I don’t remember it being so cold when school started, but even as cold and empty as the campus feels, it’s still beautiful—maybe even more than I remember. The clean air, majestic mountains, and small town feel are actually the main reasons I chose the University of Colorado over any university in my home state of New York.
    During my senior year of high school, I had searched and applied to a few different colleges. Most of them were in the south or midwest. It was a part of the United States that was foreign to me so, even though it scared me and even though I wouldn’t know another soul, I pushed myself to give it a go. It wasn’t that I was running from anything in particular. For the most part, my family was great, a little smothering at times, but nothing to complain about. It was strange why I felt the internal pull inside me to get out of there... it was even more difficult to explain it to my mom who begged me for weeks before I left to change my mind.
    When I finally decided on the University of Colorado, I had no desire to stay in the dorms and decided to put an ad on the university’s website, hoping to find a roommate. Jenna replied a day later and, after meeting over coffee, something in my gut told me she was a good person.
    Three years later, I’m still thanking my lucky stars that I found her and she’s in my life.
    It was at the end of my freshman year when I’d met Adam. He was my first in a lot of things and I thought with all my heart that he would be my last. That’s probably why it hit me so hard when he died. I hadn’t planned my life without him in it. Someone so young and full of life couldn’t just be gone in the blink of an eye, could they? Death was for the elderly, those who have lived and experienced all they wanted from life, right?
    The plans I made for my future were always our plans. We had so many things we wanted to do after we graduated. We talked about the adventures that we wanted to share with each other. We talked about eventually getting married and having kids. Adam was all about living, pushing yourself, and doing as many crazy, stupid things as possible. So last spring, when he decided to sign up for the mountain rescue team, it didn’t surprise me in the least. I was actually more surprised that he hadn’t done it sooner.
    Back then, it always seemed like Adam and I would have time to do those wild and crazy things together. Like we could do anything we wanted and didn’t have to rush because we were only twenty-one and had our whole lives ahead of us. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that life doesn’t work that way—that just because you have dreams and make plans, it doesn’t mean that they will come true. I’ve learned that life doesn’t wait on you.
     
    ❧
     
    My nerves are on edge all morning, but I don’t realize just how bad until I look down and see my hand shaking as I put my keys in my purse. It’s hard to pinpoint the thing I’m most nervous about. It could be that I haven’t talked to any of my friends from school in months, or the fact that the smell and sight of the campus causes painful memories to resurface. There are many of my friends that had tried to call me right after the accident, but I’ve done a pretty good job of laying low and avoiding people… well, if that’s what you call holing up in your apartment and never leaving it.
    If it weren’t for Jenna, I would’ve never survived the summer. I really have no idea how she put up with me or how I am ever going to pay her back for all that she has done for me.
    Taking a deep breath, I make my way up the set of stairs, pull open the door and then it hits me.
    It’s amazing how a smell can bring you back. I shuffle my feet over a few steps to the left and lean my head back against the