Fall With Me

before, I happen to agree wholeheartedly with that quote.”
    I look at him in surprise. “You read Mary Oliver? She was one of my dad’s favorite poets.”
    “I spent a few summers on Cape Cod. She’s a great poet.”
    He steps in front of me and gives me a hug. His mouth is right next to my ear. “We don’t have to talk about this right now,” he whispers. “I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to be afraid. I know it’s probably a little scary, but it’s different for me, too. And you don’t have to be scared, okay?”
    He kisses my forehead and I let myself relax into his arms, and in that moment, he’s right, it doesn’t feel like there is anything to be afraid of at all.
     

Chapter 21: Griffin
     
    There is one week of camp left. I’m not exactly sure when the idea occurs to me, maybe it was even a dream I had. Woke up with the idea. But it makes sense: Bring Jill home to New York. Not for good, of course, just for a visit, some fun times, and maybe Dad will see that not only have I decided I want to be a contributing member of society and no longer live off his dime, but I’ve found a girl that I really want to be with. He’d appreciate something like that, and Jill is just the kind of girl you’d want to bring home to the family.
    I let the idea percolate for a few days. We could go stay with Mom in the Hamptons, wander around the city, do all the sorts of things I imagine you’d do if you were in a relationship. Though it’s hard to say if Jill and I actually are in a relationship, though I’d certainly like us to be, and surprisingly, I find that I am actually nervous to talk to her about it.
    I stand in front of the bathroom mirror and look at my reflection, knowing that to everyone else in the world I might look exactly the same, but I am not. I take a deep breath, watch my shoulders rise up toward my ears, then exhale, down they go. I am not the same person. I leave the lodge bathroom and go over to the phone hanging on the wall by the kitchen entrance. I dial Dad’s number.
    “Hi, Dad,” I say when he picks up.
    “Griffin,” he says. His tone is hard to read. “Are you still out in California?”
    “Yes. Having a good time, actually.”
    “What can I do for you?”
    “I know you’re busy with golf and the country club and everything, but I’m thinking of coming through town soon. I’m going to bring my girlfriend with me.”
    “Your girlfriend,” he says flatly.
    “Yes. Try to hide your surprise.”
    “I’m not surprised; I’m just trying to figure out why you felt the need to call and inform me of these trivial details.”
    “Well, I was thinking you might want to see me, and maybe meet her, and it’d be nice if we could all get together for dinner. Or lunch. Or whatever.”
    He sighs, as though I just asked if he’d be willing to donate a kidney to charity or something.
    “I’m not really so sure I need to meet your flavor of the week, Griffin. This all seems a little unnecessary.”
    “She’s not a flavor of the week, Dad. It’s actually kind of . . . kind of serious.” I get a warm feeling in my chest as I say the words.
    “And what? You feel you need my blessing? That’s never mattered to you before.”
    “I just think it’d be nice if we could try to, you know, salvage our relationship. We didn’t used to hate each other, you know.”
    “For Christ’s sake, Griffin, I don’t hate you. But you’ve made it very clear your priorities in life, and I’ve allowed you to live as you want. I’m not clear as to why you suddenly feel the need to call me and start talking about our relationship . I’m your father; not your therapist. You’re an adult. I think I’ve shown my respect for you by allowing you the freedom to do as you please. Not everyone is so lucky.”
    “You’re right,” I say. “Cam is coming out here to see me, though. That’s interesting, isn’t it?”
    He’s quiet for a minute. “Your brother is also free to live his life as he chooses. And while he has, without a doubt, made far better choices than you, he is still allowed to do what he wants. And if he wants to fly out to California to see you, then so be it. Good for him.”
    “It’s mainly for business,” I say.
    “I know. And if I’m to be frank with you, I honestly have no interest in meeting your girlfriend. Zero. I’m a busy man, Griffin, and this just isn’t something I’ll be able to fit into my schedule.”
    “Well, we’re coming to New