Faster We Burn

staring at her?” Lottie said. A second later, Trish turned a little, as if to brush her hair back and held her middle finger in our direction.
    “Guess that answers that question,” I said, as we all looked in different directions. “You ready to go?” I said to Katie.
    “I think so. How you holding up? No new attacks of guilt?”
    “Just a little one. Nothing major.”
    “I might have something that can help with that,” she said, shoving her arms into my coat and looking up at me.
    “Oh, really? A cream, or a pill or something?”
    “Ah, no. It involves you…and me…and no clothing.”
    “I think I can work with that,” I said, kissing her.
    I couldn’t believe how she’d accepted everything with Ric. I knew it bothered her, but she did her best not to let it. We hadn’t really talked about it since, but I knew we needed to. I still had moments, especially in the middle of the night, when I would wake up hating myself for being so happy with Katie, or replaying my last moments with Ric.
    Katie suggested I go to her therapist, and I made an appointment. It wasn’t going to solve everything, but maybe it could help make things better. She was still having a hard time dealing with her dad’s death. I knew she carried around the bag of his ashes in her purse because I’d seen it once when she was searching for some gum, but I hadn’t confronted her about it. We both needed more time.
     
    ***
     
    Time passed, as it always does. The first snowfall bathed the world in white silence and made driving an even more dangerous exercise, and soon it was time for Christmas.
    Katie and I hadn’t talked about what we were doing, or more exactly, what I was doing. It was one of the things we’d been avoiding.
    “Are you going to sing tonight?” I asked her as we set out the trays of snacks she’d made for Band. She’d come a few times, but I hadn’t been able to convince her to sing again. Ric had left a hole and no one seemed ready to fill it yet.
    “I don’t know,” she said, setting out a few plastic cups. She had practically moved in, but I wondered what she would say to making the arrangement more permanent. Lottie didn’t stay much in her dorm room either, so it seemed pointless to pay for it when they were both living other places.
    “It seems…I don’t know.” She shrugged.
    “No one is going to think that you’re trying to be a fill-in.”
    “It just doesn’t seem right.”
    “We’ll put it to a vote.”
    “Stryker,” she said, giving me a look. “I don’t want you to make a big deal out of it.”
    “And I don’t want you to hide it anymore. You have a beautiful gift and I just want you to share it with everyone.”
    She came over and put her hands on my shoulders. “Did you read that off a greeting card?”
    “Damn. You’ve discovered my secret. I get all my words of wisdom from Hallmark,” I said, kissing her cheek.
    “Your secret is safe with me,” she said, moving her face so our lips met. A crashing sound downstairs announced the arrival of the rest of The Band.
    “Showtime,” I said.
     
    Katie
     
    Things had been more than somber with everyone since Ric’s death, but nobody really liked to talk about it. It had hit them all hard, especially Allan.
    “Hey, how are you?” I said as he came up the stairs, hauling a guitar case and a bottle of alcohol. Great. That was just what we needed. A bunch of sad drunk people.
    “I’m good, Pink, how you doing?” He gave me a one-armed hug and a tight smile.
    “Stryker wants me to participate tonight, but I don’t know if I’m up for it,” I said as Perry, Zoey and Theo came up the stairs behind him.
    “Why not? From what I heard that one time, you’ve got pipes.”
    “I didn’t think it was really appropriate. You know, given the circumstances.” Baxter had left the group after everything with Ric. Stryker had talked to him, and he said it was just too hard. He’d really loved her.
    “Oh come on. If not now, when?” He patted my shoulder and went to set up with everyone else.
    “You ready?” Stryker said, putting his violin under his chin. He swapped out his instruments frequently, and he’d been in a violin mood as of late. I claimed my spot next to him on the couch as everyone else caught up and set up their own.
    “How about we start off with requests tonight for a change?” Stryker said, swiping his bow across the strings. “Anyone?”
    “How about a duet,” Allan said, staring pointedly at