Fear of Falling

life.
    The day Dom found me in the parking lot of our campus counselor’s office, I was a shivering, blubbering mess. I was hell-bent on making it on my own. I had run away from any and every thing I knew and traveled across the country in search of freedom from my past. I just didn’t expect for my journey to leave me more afraid and unstable than ever.
    Dom was attending a group therapy session for abuse survivors. I was still trying to conjure up the courage to enter the building. He took one look at me and knew exactly what to do. Tentatively, he took my hand and led me inside. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t even ask me my name. He just sat with me as I listened. When it was Dom’s turn to share with the group, he passed, as did I. And when it was over, he led me back outside, his hand in mine. I don’t know why I let him touch me. That was something I hadn’t allowed anybody. But something about Dom put me at ease. As if we were kindred. I recognized something in his touch that was familiar.
    He was damaged. Even more so than I was.
    Dominic stroked my hair and squeezed me to him. Even after all these years, he was still holding me together. “I’m tired too, babe,” he murmured, as he kissed my forehead. “But we have to keep going. We can’t let them win. If we let them control us now after we’ve come so far, what else would we have left?”
    I pulled away from his embrace, looking up into greenish-brown eyes shrouded in long, black lashes. “We’ll have each other. We’ll always have each other.”
    He smiled down at me, yet failed to hide the turmoil he dealt with on a daily basis. It amazed me that he even got out of bed each morning, let alone maintained a somewhat healthy lifestyle. Dominic Trevino was undoubtedly more tormented than me, yet somehow he found a way to live through it. I envied him, I loved him, and I wanted him to have the happily-ever-after he deserved. That we all deserved.
    “Come on, I want to take you out to dinner, so you can tell me all about your first day at work,” he said, brushing a stray lock of hair behind my ear.
    I shrugged, but let him lead me out of my bedroom. “Nothing worth going to dinner over but, hey, a girl’s gotta eat. Hmmm, I’m feeling a celebratory lobster is in order,” I winked.
    Dom snorted, his hand still in mine, before spinning around to face me. “Ok, I’ll make you a deal. You’ll get your lobster if you tell me what you wrote on that strip of paper. You know it’s good for you to talk about your fears, Kam. You have to tell someone. It’s been months since you’ve added one, and I need to know you’re ok.”
    I was shaking my head before he had completed the last word of his proposal. “I can’t tell you that, Dom. Maybe one day, but not now.”
    His hands were grasping my shoulders with enough pressure to get my attention, and indicate he was serious. “You can, Kam. You can but you won’t. There’s a difference. Saying it out loud doesn’t bring it to life. It doesn’t power the fear. It takes it away. It shows that you are in control.”
    “Does it?” I asked, a frown easing itself between my brows. “Because every time I’ve let my guard down, it has backfired in my face in the worst possible way. By tucking it away, by listing everything in this life that terrifies the shit out of me, I am releasing it. I need this, Dom. It’s the only thing that is keeping me sane.” A smirk played at my lips as I shrugged under his grip. “Well, somewhat sane.”
    Dominic dropped his hands and let them slide down to my wrists. “Just promise me one day. Promise you’ll let me in. I need to know that you aren’t crumbling inside.”
    “My, my…notorious playboy, Dominic Trevino has a heart of gold,” I smiled, hoping to lighten the mood.
    Humor was my fallback when things got too heavy, and they often did with us. To the outside world, we were normal, carefree, fun-loving, young adults. But the truth was, we were anything but. We were broken, battered and bleeding. We had depended on each other for so long that we didn’t know how to survive without the other. Dom had become an appendage to me. He was just as vital to my life as my arm or leg. I not only needed him to keep moving forward, I needed him to keep the crippling anxiety from squeezing the breath from my lungs every single damn day. Dominic was my savior.
    He narrowed his eyes and shook his head, totally seeing through my ploy to change the subject.