Fear of Falling

own private concert in his bedroom. And afterward, he would lead me to his bed and make me sing his name in every octave of my vocal range.
    On trembling legs, I made my way to the stage, the spotlights causing tiny beads of sweat to form on my nose. Angel was beaming with pride, and even Dom was in the front row, still dressed in his work clothes.
    “I am sooo gonna kill you, bitch,” I whispered between clenched teeth when I approached her on the stage.
    “You’ll thank me for it later, slut,” she winked. Then she skipped to the back of the stage and retrieved my guitar. This had been premeditated! That whore was as good as dead!
    I looked out at the sea of people growing restless as I tried to figure out my next move. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t do this. This wasn’t me. This wasn’t my life. This was Angel’s. People like me didn’t perform in front of crowds. We didn’t sing and play for perfect strangers. I couldn’t do this. Oh my God, I couldn’t.
    My eyes swept over to the bar, finding Blaine’s smiling face. He looked so proud and excited for me. There wasn’t a trace of doubt on his face. He had faith in me. I didn’t want that faith to be wasted. I wanted to give him a reason to be proud of me.
    I looked down at Dominic, my best friend in the whole world, who wore a similar expression. He had never made me feel like I was damaged goods. He understood me, and he loved me. If anyone knew courage, it was him. And right now, he was channeling it all to me in the depths of his comforting smile. If Dom believed in me, then maybe I could do this.
    A small hand squeezed mine, and I realized that Angel had never left my side. She nodded, telling me that I was ok with the simple gesture. She really was a good friend to me. She had overcome so much pain and rejection in her life, yet found a way to get on stage and belt her heart out like she didn’t have a care in the world. She was fearless, and I longed for just an ounce of her confidence.
    “I’ll be right here with you,” she whispered. “We’ll do this together, ok?”
    I nodded and slowly positioned myself on the stool in front of the microphone. This was it. This was what I had always secretly dreamed of doing, but was too afraid to try. This was my moment to kick fear in the ass. And I wanted to share it with the three people in this bar that had come to mean more to me than anyone in this world.
    I strummed the first chords of the only song that was on my heart at the moment. It wasn’t the song I had rehearsed with Angel. It wasn’t a legendary classic rock anthem. It wasn’t even a sappy love song. The song I chose to play was undoubtedly me . So much so, that I cried for days the first time I heard it. Because I wanted it. I wanted exactly what the lyrics of that song boasted.
    Recognizing the intro of Paramore’s “The Only Exception,” Angel joined in with her own guitar as she sat in a stool to my right. We had played it before, and I knew she would pick it up. I looked over and smiled at her. Yeah, I hated Angel sometimes, but I loved her fiercely.
    When I opened my mouth to belt out the first notes, I knew my voice was shaky. I was afraid, but it was ok. Fear would fuel my determination. I wouldn’t let it ruin this moment. Not this song. Not when it verbalized every single emotion I was feeling but couldn’t reveal.
    As we entered the second verse, K.C. joined in on bass while MiMi picked up her own guitar. I smiled and let my eyes close, letting the melody completely take over me. This was the sweet spot. This was the place where everything clicked into place and created magic. I didn’t even think about the movement of my fingers on the strings. I didn’t even worry about remembering the next lines of the song. I didn’t have to. Somewhere in those lyrics, Angel’s voice harmonizing with mine perfectly, I became those notes. I was one with each chord. I let the music guide me as I recited the story of my life, stripping myself bare in front of a room full of strangers. And I didn’t care. I was fearless, even if only for a few minutes.
    Nessa carried us into the second chorus, the heavy drumbeats pushing us into the bridge. With my eyes shut tight, I sang for hope. For understanding. For courage. For love.
    For Blaine. I sang my heart out for Blaine.
    We finished belting out the notes together, as if I was a part of the band. And, in that moment, with the girls backing me up in beautiful harmony, I was. But