Fight Club

them by putting them up your butt.”
    Oh, this is pleasant.
    Marla says, "I’m not making this up. We can get something stronger, later. Some real drugs like cross tops or black beauties or alligators.”
    I’m not putting these pills up my ass.
    "Then only take two.”
    Where are we going to go?
    "Bowling. It’s open all night, and they won’t let you sleep there.”
    Everywhere we go, I say, guys on the street think I’m Tyler Durden.
    "Is that why the bus driver let us ride for free?”
    Yeah. And that’s why the two guys on the bus gave us their seats.
    "So what’s your point?”
    I don’t think it’s enough to just hide out. We have to do something to get rid of Tyler.
    "I dated a guy once who liked to wear my clothes,” Marla says. "You know, dresses. Hats with veils. We could dress you up and sneak you around.”
    I’m not cross-dressing, and I’m not putting pills up my ass.
    "It gets worse,” Marla says. "I dated a guy, once, who wanted me to fake a lesbian scene with his blow-up doll.”
    I could imagine myself becoming one of Marla’s stories.
    I dated a guy once who was a split personality.
    "I dated this other guy who used one of those penis enlargement systems.”
    I ask what time is it?
    "Four A.M .”
    In another three hours, I have to be at work.
    "Take your pills,” Marla says. "You being Tyler Durden and all, they’ll probably let us bowl for free. Hey, before we get rid of Tyler, can we go shopping? We could get a nice car. Some clothes. Some CDs. There is an upside to all this free stuff.”
    Marla.
    "Okay, forget it.”

26
    THAT OLD SAYING , about how you always kill the thing you love, well, it works both ways.
    And it does work both ways.
    This morning I went to work and there were police barricades between the building and the parking lot with the police at the front doors, taking statements from the people I work with. Everybody milling around.
    I didn’t even get off the bus.
    I am Joe’s Cold Sweat.
    From the bus, I can see the floor-to-ceiling windows on the third floor of my office building are blown out, and inside a fireman in a dirty yellow slicker is whacking at a burnt panel in the suspended ceiling. A smoldering desk inches out the broken window, pushed by two firemen, then the desk tilts and slides and falls the quick three stories to the sidewalk and lands with more of a feeling than a sound.
    Breaks open and it’s still smoking.
    I am the Pit of Joe’s Stomach.
    It’s my desk.
    I know my boss is dead.
    The three ways to make napalm. I knew Tyler was going to kill my boss. The second I smelled gasoline on my hands, when I said I wanted out of my job, I was giving him permission. Be my guest.
    Kill my boss.
    Oh, Tyler.
    I know a computer blew up.
    I know this because Tyler knows this.
    I don’t want to know this, but you use a jeweler’s drill to drill a hole through the top of a computer monitor. All the space monkeys know this. I typed up Tyler’s notes. This is a new version of the lightbulb bomb, where you drill a hole in a lightbulb and fill the bulb with gasoline. Plug the hole with wax or silicone, then screw the bulb into a socket and let someone walk into the room and throw the switch.
    A computer tube can hold a lot more gasoline than a lightbulb.
    A cathode ray tube, CRT, you either remove the plastic housing around the tube, this is easy enough, or you work through the vent panels in the top of the housing.
    First you have to unplug the monitor from the power source and from the computer.
    This would also work with a television.
    Just understand, if there’s a spark, even static electricity from the carpet, you’re dead. Screaming, burned-alive dead.
    A cathode ray tube can hold 300 volts of passive electrical storage, so use a hefty screwdriver across the main power supply capacitor, first. If you’re dead at this point, you didn’t use an insulated screwdriver.
    There’s a vacuum inside the cathode ray tube so the moment you drill through, the tube will suck air, sort of inhale a little whistle of it.
    Ream the little hole with a larger bit, then a larger bit, until you can put the tip of a funnel into the hole. Then, fill the tube with your choice of explosive. Homemade napalm is good. Gasoline or gasoline mixed with frozen orange juice concentrate or cat litter.
    A sort of fun explosive is potassium permanganate mixed with powdered sugar. The idea is to mix one ingredient that will burn very fast with a second ingredient that will