Five Days in Summer

no balance.
    She was inside a water-filled drum, swaying, sinking. Sometimes she forgot to breathe and her body remembered and startled like a newborn baby gripped with a sensation of falling.
    She was falling.
    She wished she would get there, hit the ground, go blank. Then she saw their faces and her wish evaporated.
    Her children.
    She would not desire death. He wanted her fear and it was hers and he couldn’t have it. Her fear kept her alive and her hatred for the corn man kept her alive.
    If he only knew her. She would kill him.
    I am in control of myself and will not start a fight of any kind at any time.
    She could see herself destroying him.
    Aiki enables one to overcome himself and leads to the disappearance of the desire to fight with the enemy.
    Was strength in the body or the mind? Were we defined by our intentions or our actions?
    How well had she taught her children?
    Untie me and give me a fair fight.
    Emily ran to Maxi when she cried. No fair Sam said no fair no fair. You love me not her. Love me better love me first. I want to be best and I want to be first.
    David’s voice was strong when he read. David wanted a sword. I have a brown belt why can’t I have a sword now? You’re a child that’s why. But I know the five meditations.
    First is the meditation on love in which you open yourself to the desire for the wealth and well-being of everyone, and yearn for the happiness of your enemies.
    Second is the meditation on pity in which your concern opens to all beings in distress, and you imagine their sadness and fear with a compassion that fills your soul.
    Third is the meditation on joy in which you concern yourself only with the well-being of others and rejoice in their happiness.
    Fourth is the meditation on impurity in which you consider the effects of corruption, wrongs and evils, and you contemplate the darkness of their consequences.
    Fifth is the meditation on serenity in which you overcome love and hatred, desire and regret, and accept the perfection of your own imperfect life with a calmness that transcends happiness.
    THESE ARE THE FIVE MEDITATIONS said the Master Buddha.
    Give me a sword, Mom. I want a sword.
    Aiki is love. Aiki enables one to overcome himself and leads to the disappearance of the desire to fight with the enemy. It is the way of absolute self-completion which eliminates the enemy himself.
    I’m old enough. I’m ready. Give me a sword. I’lltell you when you’re ready. You may be growing up but I’m still your mother.
    Footsteps. He was in the boat. He was approaching her.
    She wanted to scream but she couldn’t, her mouth was bound and the scream backfired. Inside her mind it was loud. She heard echoes and she heard the sky above the ocean. It was empty and light and free. She could see it if she looked. There was not a cloud in the sky today.

Chapter 11
    Will sat on the floor of the downstairs family room, playing Monopoly with the boys on the low-slung coffee table. He had to work hard to remember which piece was his. Every now and then David would slice him a look and say, “Dad, you’re the hat.”
    If things had gone as planned, Emily would have been back in New York by now. Their summer bags and suitcases and toys would have been strewn around the front hall and living room. If he had walked barefoot on the wood floor, he would have felt the crunch of sand. When the kids were still asleep the next morning, he and Emily would have stolen a quiet hour together and discussed their plans for the new house, obsessing about all the details ranging from their finances to the color of their new walls.
    New walls.
    Sam rolled the dice and cheered when he got a four. He moved his piece, the shoe, banging hard in each space. Then he turned to Will and said, “Dad! It’s your turn.”
    Will picked up the hat but it was impossible to concentrate. He felt like a fist trapped in a rubber glove too tight to bend, but in a paroxysm of refusal couldn’t stop trying.
    “Play for me,” he told David, and stood up from the floor.
    Sam leaned back on his elbows, grinned and thrust a leg in his father’s path. Will stepped over it.
    “I’ll be back in a little while,” Will said, then stopped to look at them. “I love you guys, you know.”
    The boys watched as Will looked into the kids’ room to check on Maxi; she was just twenty minutes into her long afternoon nap. He went into his and Emily’s room, closed the door and dialed Dr. Geary’s phone number. It rang