Forever Odd

smoke. Even walls were no barrier to him anymore.
        When he took his hand off my shoulder, I assumed that he would settle on the floor, cross-legged Indian style, as I was sitting, and evidently he did. He faced me in the dark, which I knew when he reached out and gripped my hands.
        If he couldn’t have his life back, he wanted reassurance. He did not have to speak to convey to me what he needed.
        “I’ll do my best for Danny,” I said too softly to be heard beyond the pantry.
        I did not intend my words to be taken as a guarantee. I haven’t earned that level of confidence from anyone.
        “The hard truth is,” I continued, “my best might not be good enough. It hasn’t always been enough before.”
        His grip on my hands tightened.
        My regard for him was such that I wanted to encourage him to let go of this world and accept the grace that death offered him.
        “Sir, everyone knows you were a good husband to Carol. But they might not realize just how very good a father you were to Danny.”
        The longer a liberated spirit lingers, the more likely he will get stuck here.
        “You were so kind to take on a seven-year-old with such medical problems. And you always made him feel that you were proud of him, proud of how he suffered without complaint, his courage.”
        By virtue of the way that he had lived, Dr. Jessup had no reason to fear moving on. Remaining here, on the other hand-a mute observer incapable of affecting events-guaranteed his misery.
        “He loves you, Dr. Jessup. He thinks of you as his real father, his only father.”
        I was thankful for the absolute darkness and for his ghostly silence. By now I should be somewhat armored against the grief of others and against the piercing regret of those who meet untimely deaths and must leave without good-byes, yet year by year I become more vulnerable to both.
        “You know how Danny is,” I continued. “A tough little customer. Always the wisecrack. But I know what he really feels. And surely you know what you meant to Carol. She seemed to shine with love for you.”
        For a while I matched his silence. If you push them too hard, they clutch up, even panic.
        In that condition, they can no longer see the way from here to there, the bridge, the door, whatever it is.
        I gave him time to absorb what I’d said. Then: “You’ve done so much of what you were put here to do, and you did it well, you got it right. That’s all we can expect-the chance to get it right.”
        After another mutual silence, he let go of my hands.
        Just as I lost touch with Dr. Jessup, the pantry door opened. Kitchen light dissolved the darkness, and Chief Wyatt Porter loomed over me.
        He is big, round-shouldered, with a long face. People who can’t read the chief’s true nature in his eyes might think he’s steeped in sadness.
        As I got to my feet, I realized that the residual effects of the Taser had not entirely worn off. Phantom electrical sounds sizzled inside my head again.
        Dr. Jessup had departed. Maybe he had gone on to the next world. Maybe he had returned to haunting the front yard.
        “How do you feel?” the chief asked, stepping back from the pantry.
        “Fried.”
        “Tasers don’t do real harm.”
        “You smell burnt hair?”
        “No. Was it Makepeace?”
        “Not him,” I said, moving into the kitchen. “Some snaky guy. You find Danny?”
        “He’s not here.”
        “I didn’t think so.”
        “The way’s clear. Go to the alley.”
        “I’ll go to the alley,” I said.
        “Wait at the tree of death.”
        “I’ll wait at the tree of death.”
        “Son, are you all right?”
        “My tongue itches.”
        “You can scratch it while you wait for me.”
        “Thank you, sir.”
        “Odd?”
        “Sir?”
        “Go.”

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    SIX
        
        THE TREE OF DEATH STANDS ACROSS THE ALLEY AND down the block from the Jessup place, in the backyard of the Ying residence.
        In the summer and autumn, the thirty-five-foot brugmansia is festooned with pendant yellow trumpet flowers. At times, more than a hundred blooms, perhaps two hundred, each ten to twelve inches long, depend from its branches.
        Mr. Ying enjoys lecturing on the deadly nature of the lovely brugmansia. Every part of the tree-roots, wood, bark, leaves, calyxes,