Ghost Time

pink skin and pudgy fingers and a crew cut. He didn’t say anything, but you could tell by the way he tiptoed around us that we were in big trouble. And the whole time we were sitting there, waiting for Knox to show up, the guy was trying not to stare at Mel, but he wasn’t doing a very good job. So finally, Mel goes, Dude, look or don’t look—god, you’d think you’d never seen a palsied girl with a Siouxsie Sioux haircut and a Meat Is Murder shirt before , and I started laughing. And then Mel did, too, and I had a feeling it would be the last time we laughed together for a while.
    When I heard Knox’s footsteps, outside, Mel goes, You ready, Thee? I looked at her, smiling, and I go, Born ready, and I clasped her hand, standing up, watching the door open. When Knox saw us, Mel goes, Thee? And I go, Yeah? And I looked at her—she was Melody, my Melody—the real girl, holding my hand in hers, standing beside me, shoulder to shoulder. Mel said, No matter what happens, this is the best birthday I’ve ever had , and I had to swallow and roll my eyes—I kept it together, though, and I go,Me, too. And we knew this would happen—it was part of the plan—that’s what we planned all along. Not just no more lying, no more secrets, hiding from her mom. Mel always wanted to be a teenager—to break rules, get caught, to know how it feels—to live. She wanted to live, on the inside and outside, and we did. Still, ohmygod, we were in such trouble, I was really scared.
    Knox couldn’t even look at me, he was so angry, walking in, and then, when he saw Melody, his face turned beet red. I’ve never ever seen him so angry, and I thought he was about to explode, but he managed to get out of the office, and we got to the parking lot, and he got Mel situated in the back. The mall was closing; it was almost ten o’clock, and when I got in, I was about to apologize when Knox lost it. He said, Do you, do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? Heather lost her shit when she found out I’d left Mel alone with you, and she called the cops—she reported Melody missing. Mel goes, Oh, Jesus Christ, Dad! And I raised my hand: Jesus Christ, Dad. And Knox shouted, I trusted you! How could you do this, Thea? How could you do this to my daughter! Then Mel started yelling back at him, Why are you yelling at her? I raised both my hands, Why are you yelling at me? Melody goes, This is what I wanted, this is what I wanted, and I have a right to be a girl like every other girl! I didn’t even realize for a moment I was yelling along with her, word for word, and Knox just stared, his mouth hanging open.
    I raised my hand and told him exactly what Mel said, word for word: Every day, all day, all night, you wish I was normal, a normal healthy girl, and then, when I act like a normal teenager, you wish I was a vegetable again! And he goes, Don’t saythat—don’t ever say that! And she goes—I spoke for her: It’s true. It’s true, Dad! Every night, you drink. You drink and you feel sorry for yourself and you blame your family and blame the war—you always find someone or something to blame!
    Don’t you understand, Dad? she said, and I raised my hand, saying, Don’t you understand? She goes, Don’t you see? It’s nobody’s fault, what happened to me, Dad. Nothing could have been done to stop it—it’s a disease, and it’s just what happens in this world sometimes to some people and I know it’s not fair. I know, I do, and I try to accept that—every single day; I have to accept that the world’s just not fair, but you don’t want to accept that. You think I don’t know? You think I don’t I hear you at night, Daddy? I know the truth about you. And you aren’t protecting me from anything: Jesus, you’re so upset over, what? I cut my hair? God, it’s just hair, I said, raising my right hand, yelling at him, but he wasn’t listening.
    I can’t believe you, he said, speaking to me, and I go, Me? You’re the one, I said. You like controlling her, you like that she’s never going to grow up! Mel started yelling, and I started yelling for her: Quit feeling so sorry for yourself, quit blaming everyone and everything, quit drinking and pretending you don’t wish I’d never been born! Knox goes, Take it back, and she goes, and I raised my hand, No , I said. Because it’s true! You tell everyone I’ve taught you more about love than you ever knew was possible, but you wish that weren’t the case—you’d