Ghost Time

blanket in along my thighs, before sitting down next to me.
    So. How are you holding up, kiddo? she asked, brushing my bangs back with one hand. I don’t know, I said, shrugging. I guess I don’t believe it most days, I said, looking at her: I don’t believe he’s gone, that’s how. Because if I really believed that I’d never see him again, I’d be a total basket case, I said. She nodded, like she understood, and I said, All day long, I think he’s going to text or call or walk through the door, you know? But when he does, I think the first I’ll do is kill him, I said, looking at her, and she smiled. You’ll have to beat me to it, she said, inhaling and then flapping her lips as she exhaled this heavy sigh. Staring off, she started to say something else, but she stopped.
    Karen’s beautiful. Like what you imagine some classic California beauty looks like, tall and thin, with ruddy tan skin and a few freckles across her nose, just like Cam’s, and beach-blonde hair, and it took me a while to get used to how pretty she was; it kept surprising me, when I first met her. But now shelooked so tired, or something worse than tired, not haunted, just the opposite. I keep seeing this look in her eyes, almost like she knew what was going on, like she’d been waiting for this moment for such a long time, and finally, here we were.
    When he was little, she said, looking over at the garage, Cam had such an ugly temper, and my mouth fell wide open. Cam? I said, The guy who barely raises his voice to sing in the shower? Oh, the worst , she said, raising her eyebrows, No: demon child. Still, I said, Karen, I’m sorry, but I cannot imagine him with a temper—that wouldn’t be Cam. People change, Thea, she said, turning to look at me, but really looking at me. Like when someone says something that’s a place marker, and then, one day, they’ll finally tell you what the hell they were talking about, what they weren’t telling you at that moment, you know? I don’t know, I just had this feeling it would be a while before she told me what she actually meant by saying that people change.
    But then I felt so guilty, like I was hiding something from her, that I just blurted it out. I go, Karen, this reporter showed up at my house this afternoon, then she frowned and she goes, A reporter? I nodded, because I couldn’t believe it either, and I said, Right before you texted, then her face relaxed and she goes, Did you speak to him? I go, It was a woman, but no. I mean, I took her card, because she handed it to me, but I didn’t say anything about Cam. Karen nodded, then she patted my thigh, about to stand up, heading to the kitchen, and she goes, I trust you, Thea. You don’t have to ask me for permission: you do what you need to do, all right? Which sounds great, at first, right, but on second thought, I was just like, You trust me? I’m glad one of us does.

SUNDAY, MARCH 13, 2011
    (THREE WEEKS EARLIER)
    5:12 PM
    It was so stupid, but we got in this huge fight a few weeks ago, after Cam gave me my first driving lesson with a stick. In his car. And maybe I overreacted, but Cam kept snapping at me, like, Do this! Do that! Don’t do that! You’re going too fast! Slow down! Speed up! More gas! Don’t shift so hard! Shift now! Stop riding the clutch, Thea! Thea, you’re riding the clutch! Finally, I stopped and I was just like, I don’t even know what that means, Cam, riding the clutch! But stop yelling at me! I yelled back, and then Cam goes, I’m not yelling, Thee. All I’m saying is slow down or you’re gonna drive through the barrier.
    We were in this huge parking lot they’d built on the back side of another strip mall before the money fell through to finish it. Now it’s hidden behind this big plastic barrier they put up along the highway, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s so people can’t see all the failing businesses in town, but there was no one else there,and on the other side of the parking lot, it’s just this endless field. Anyhow, that’s what he said, that I was driving so fast, I was going to tear a hole in the plastic wall, and that’s when I stopped the car and my mouth fell open, like, Seriously?
    I turned off the ignition, and I go, Cam, what am I going to hit? He goes, Thea, you were headed straight for the wall, and I said, I was headed in that direction, because it’s in front of us. What am I going to run into here, Cam? It’s nowhere, there’s nothing here. You can’t run into