Ghost Time

needs the protein.
    I said, Please, you can get protein in other ways, and he goes, Not in my house you can’t. I said, Knox, Mel believes in reincarnation: she believes people can come back as animals, and if you eat them, who knows who you’re eating, and he goes, This has gone too far—this, is this your doing? And I said, My doing? No. And she’s been on my case, too, so I’ve quit eating all red meat, and I’m thinking of giving up chicken, too. Maybe just fish. He goes, Oh, so people can’t come back as fish in the next life, and I go, She’s right: everyone agrees it’s terrible for the environment. Knox goes, No, everyone does not agree: I do not agree. Then the girl came on the intercom to tell us our total and Knox pulled through, paying for his food.
    I didn’t say anything until he pulled out and parked, then I go, Just don’t ever say I didn’t tell you. And don’t say you don’t know how she feels. And most of all, don’t kill the messenger and eat me in my next life, I said, looking back at Mel, and she goes, Meat is murder , and I nodded, Such a great album, right? What’s that? Knox said, shoving a bit of bun in his mouth. Mel goes, Meat is murder , meaning that she wanted me to translate, so Isaid: Meat is murder, Mel says, and Knox pulled out his drink and took a long sip, not the least fazed. Then Mel goes, Honestly, Thee, I don’t think it’d make any difference if I could talk—I think he’d be just like this , and I go, Totally, and she goes, But, like, are all dads lame or just my dad? And I go, All of them, pretty much. I mean, I’m sure there are exceptions, but I don’t know any, I said, looking back, and in a flash, I saw her. I saw the beautiful Melody, locking her jaw, angry, staring out her window, and it hit me right in my gut. Course Knox knew we were talking about him, but he just finished his burger, before heading to my house.
    Mel’s so funny, though, she started singing, she goes, I am the daughter and heir, of nothing in particular , and I started laughing. Of course Knox goes, What’s funny? And I shook my head, never mind, and he goes, Tell me, and I go, You won’t get it, and he goes, Try me. Mel laughed, and she goes, Yeah, try him, Thee , and I go, Mel was singing, I am the daughter and heir , and Knox waited, like there must be more, and I go, It’s a line from the Smiths: I am the son and the heir , and Mel was singing, I am the daughter and the heir—playing on son , you get it? Knox just looked out his window.
    That night, after they dropped me off, walking upstairs, to our apartment, all I could think was, What could a person do that would be so terrible? I mean, besides, say, killing somebody? I got out my key, opening our door, and soon as I stepped inside, I got a text with a YouTube link. So I went to my room, turned on my computer and typed in the link, and of course it was another video. But for once, it wasn’t a video of me and Cam.No, this time, the reason I started shaking was because someone posted a video of Mel and me, and the whole conversation we’d just had, not even an hour before. It was like someone was in the room with us, like there was a ghost with a handheld camera.
    Except in the video, all you can see is me sitting on the side of Mel’s bed, looking at her, talking to her. I mean, I look like a total lunatic, babbling on with her. The whole time, Mel just sits there, in her chair, her head tilted to the side, and she doesn’t say a word. Because she can’t speak, and we were talking in my head. Watching us like that, I couldn’t breathe, but I sent Knox the link, and he wrote me back, What’s up? I wrote him back and said, Did you look at it? And he said, Look at what? I go, The link I sent you. And he wrote me back, No link, so I went back to check my sent mail, and he was right: there was no link: there was no e-mail. Honestly, I think I’m losing it, I really do.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 9, 2011
    (TWELVE WEEKS EARLIER)
    7:34 PM
    Without even thinking about it, I still draw my old room sometimes, every detail I can remember. It’s so hard to remember, though, because now I know all the things that I didn’t know about, and then something in my head clicks, and I don’t feel anything. I just shut down. Honestly, I have to laugh when I think of all the times that my dad called me sensitive, how he was always like, You’re too sensitive. You gotta grow some thicker skin, Thea! And then, one day, I lost it. The