Ghostwalker 04 - Conspiracy Game

Was there room in his life for a baby? How did he feel?
    There was no sound, but he was aware that he wasn’t alone long before a shadow fell across him. He looked up to see his brother standing, hands on hips, bare feet, dressed only in drawstring flannels. Scars covered his face, ran across his shoulders and down his arms, over his chest, and disappeared into the low waistband. Even now, the skin was raw and red, shiny and raised, an ugly mottled remembrance of falling into the hands of a madman.
    For one moment Jack felt the stirring of anguish. He hadn’t been there, hadn’t been protecting his brother’s back. Ken had been sent in his place. Jack should have been there, and he would carry that sin to his grave.
    He looked up, voice casual. “Can’t sleep?”
    “Nope.” Ken sat on the edge of the railing, swinging one foot. He looked easygoing and relaxed, but Jack knew him too well. “She all right?” Ken indicated Briony with his chin.
    His eyes glittered like silver in the moonlight, a warning of impending battle.
    “She cried herself to sleep. She’s had a rough time,” Jack said.
    “We’ve got to talk about this, Jack.”
    Jack closed his eyes, rested his head against Briony, and inhaled her scent. It wrapped him up like a heady dream. “I know. I know we do. I should have told you when I came back from Kinshasa, but there didn’t seem much point. I walked away from her. I did the right thing; I just walked out and left her to have a life with a decent man. Damn it, Ken.”
    His eyes snapped open to glare at his twin. “I walked. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life.”
    Ken nodded. “I’ve felt it, ever since you came back. Our connection is too strong for me not to feel how difficult it was. But this is dangerous.” He passed a hand over his face. “I came out here to tell you you’ve got to give her up, that you can’t risk it—but seeing you with her— feeling what you’re feeling… ” He shook his head. “I don’t know how you could.”
    “For the first time in a long time, I’m afraid, Ken. I always figured if I went psycho, eventually they’d send someone better than me and I’d get whacked. I knew I’d never turn on you—but now… ” He stroked his hand down Briony’s hair. “I couldn’t stand it if she looked at me the way Mom looked at him.” He shook his head slowly. “I’ve already got the beginnings of his ways. I’m too obsessive over her. I can’t think about anything or anyone else. I don’t want anyone close to her.”
    “Does that include me?”
    “I was afraid it might, but you’re close to her now and I don’t want to shoot you, so maybe not.”
    A faint smile crept into Ken’s eyes. “That’s a relief.”
    “I can’t let her go. I just can’t, Ken. It’s like looking through different eyes when I’m with her. I feel hope again.” He shook his head again, feeling a fool. “When I came back this time, I wanted it all to end. After having her—and walking away—I just wanted it all to be over.”

    Ken scowled. “I knew you felt that way. What are we going to do?”
    “You’re going to give me your word of honor… ”
    Ken stood up, shaking his head, hand raised to stop his brother. “Don’t. Don’t ask me to do that. It’s not an option.”
    “It’s the only option we have. I’m telling you I can’t let go of her. I swear, Ken, I don’t know what I’d do if she tried to leave me.”
    “You’d harm her?” Ken’s voice went quiet, his gray eyes once again catching the silvery light of the moon.
    “No! Never! Never that. I’d destroy myself before I’d ever do anything to hurt her.” Jack caught Briony closer, held her protectively. “I’m totally fucked, Ken. You have to give me your word on this.”
    “The baby?” Ken persisted. “How do you feel about the baby?”
    Jack sighed. “How would I know what I feel? I don’t recognize feelings anymore.
    You’re beginning to sound like those shrinks they always want to send us to.” He’d been sitting in the dark contemplating that very question and still had no real answer. Did he want the baby because it was a tie to Briony or because it was his child?
    “When you told me, I felt that same flash of joy in you.”
    “I’m happy she’s pregnant. She’s here. I don’t know what the hell I’ll do with a baby, but I’ll figure it out. I was sitting here thinking I might start a crib or one of those little things they sleep in with rockers