Glitch

hairs.
    The metal of the circular heart monitor in the center of his
    chest glinted in the light.
    “It’s horrible, I know. But forget all that, Zoe. The only
    thing we can do is try to forget it all and enjoy ourselves as
    much as we can.” He reached for my waist and grabbed the
    bottom of my shirt.
    “Wait, Max, I don’t know—”
    His voice was low and breathy with excitement. “We de-
    serve this, you and me. We can make up right now for every-
    thing they stole from people.”
    He started a trail of sizzling kisses down my neck. My
    face fl ushed. My mind raced even as my body reacted in ways
    I didn’t understand. Everything was happening too fast. He
    was so intense, holding and kissing me like he wanted to
    devour me.
    Everything with Max was hot and cold. We’d just been
    arguing a moment ago, and then now he had suddenly
    changed again. He was reckless and wild, but he was also
    someone who cared for me so much. Who wanted to be my
    family. Wasn’t that what I wanted, too? I let myself kiss him
    back in my confusion.
    He put his hands on my pants and began unhooking them.
    “Stop,” I said, yanking away and moving to the far wall.
    The word was out of my mouth before I knew what I was
    saying.
    199

    Heather Anastasiu
    “Why? What’s wrong?” Max’s wide chest heaved as he
    stared at me in confusion. He started to move toward me
    but I held up a hand.
    “Wait, this is too fast. I don’t even understand what’s hap-
    pening!”
    “Why not?” Max’s voice was suddenly hard. “You don’t
    want me. Is that it?”
    “That’s not what I said. Of course I want you. I don’t
    want to talk about this anymore,” I said, feeling the stinging
    at the back of my eyes. Everything was wrong. Max usually
    made me feel safe and secure but right now I just wanted to
    be anywhere but here with him.
    “I came here because I thought you were going to help
    me fi gure out a plan. Not this.”
    Max raised his voice too. “The other day, you said you
    wanted to be together with me. Well this is what together-
    ness is, what humans are supposed to do. Maybe you aren’t as
    free from the Link as you think you are.”
    His voice kept getting louder and louder. “There’s a whole
    other world out there, and the Uppers, who’ve never been
    Linked one day of their lives, know all about it. Because it’s
    what’s normal. Because they’re not brain- gone freaks.”
    “Fine,” I interrupted him. “I guess I’m not normal then.”
    The moisture in my eyes brimmed over. Broken. He was
    saying I was broken. I was too broken to stay Linked, and
    now I was too broken to even glitch properly.
    “I guess I don’t want to be normal. I don’t want to be to-
    gether with you, either.” I yanked his bedroom door open.
    I walked so fast I was almost running toward the front door.
    200

    G L I TC H
    “Wait, Zoe.” He caught up to me and grabbed my arm
    hard.
    “Let go of me!” I wrenched my arm away. I tasted salt
    between my lips and realized water was streaming copiously
    from my eyes now.
    “Zoe, stop, I feel bad.” He sounded like he meant it. “This
    isn’t going how I thought it would. Just wait.”
    I wiped my eyes with my palms and looked up at him.
    He seemed sincere but I was still too upset. I couldn’t even
    completely say why. I just wanted to go to my family quar-
    ters, where things made sense. Where my parents would be
    sitting at the square table with their perfectly portioned food.
    Logical. Orderly.
    “I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Maximin.” I didn’t look
    at him. I left through the door, managing only barely to
    keep my footsteps calm and even as I walked to the subway.
    I avoided Max the next day, staying intentionally Linked
    so I could ignore him. It wasn’t so much that I was angry
    with him— it was just that all the emotion I’d felt when we’d
    become so upset with each other was the most intense thing
    I’d felt in my life, even more than fear. It hurt still to think
    about his words, which got stuck in my head like a worm-
    ing virus. Brain- gone freak. I didn’t know what freak meant
    but I didn’t like the sound of it and the way his voice had
    sounded when he’d said it— so harsh and ugly.
    And he was wrong. I wasn’t a drone anymore. I just didn’t
    feel the things he’d wanted me to feel, and now I was sure I
    had lost him. I didn’t know where I fi t now. Not with the
    drones, and not with him. I was alone again. I looked