Glitch

schedules.
    239

    Heather Anastasiu
    The Link News had fi lled my mind. The ret i na display
    readouts and subscript along the sides of my vision were
    bright and bracing and comfortingly familiar. I could forget
    everything in the numbness of the Link feed. If I let it, it
    could make me forget all the sudden sharp pain and guilt.
    The alcove we were in seemed to dim, color teaching
    from my vision.
    “Stay Linked until I come to your room to night. Promise
    me,” he demanded.
    I nodded.
    “I’ll see you soon. Stay safe.” He gave me a look I couldn’t
    decipher, some sort of hesitation or fear, but then he shook
    himself and pressed his lips to my forehead. He gently pushed
    me out from the alcove into the hallway, and somehow I
    managed to make my feet move. Inside, there was a howl-
    ing scream building up inside me, like a wild beast clawing
    to get out, but the graying chatter of the Link soon drowned
    it out.
    240

Chapter 17
    that night i lay in be d, staring at the ceiling, every
    deep breath searing a fresh wound in my chest. Adrien came
    to my room, but I didn’t move or speak. He seemed to
    understand. He told me Max had disguised himself as a tech
    repair worker and disabled the video fi le before Molla had a
    chance to see it and become emotional in front of everyone.
    Then he’d given her the upgrade, so hopefully she’d be safe
    for the time being.
    Adrien also told me he’d tried to fi nd out more about the
    six glitchers that had come up in the database, but the infor-
    mation was locked behind a fortress of security that not even
    his hacking skills could breach. One more to add to a grow-
    ing list of questions we couldn’t answer.
    I nodded as Adrien talked, but I was only half- listening.
    My mind was far away, as it had been all day. I’d almost lost
    it during dinner, watching my brother Markan and imagin-
    ing another brother. Daavd.
    Stupid! How stupid of him to take a four- year- old on an escape
    mission! Then I felt guilty for accusing him, when it was
    really all my fault.
    My chest clenched with pain. I’d disconnected from the
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    Heather Anastasiu
    Link after dinner because I knew I deserved to feel every
    ounce of pain. I thought about all the feelings I had for
    Markan, or how much I’d wanted to be close to Max be-
    cause I knew, intuitively, that family was important.
    Maybe Daavd thought the same thing. He’d taken me
    because he was trying to save me. And I had betrayed him.
    The image from my dream rose up of him crashing into the
    leaves. The blood. I couldn’t stand myself. I couldn’t stand
    being in this body, in this detestable, shunting skin.
    “Zoe, what are you doing?” Adrien’s voice broke into my
    thoughts.
    I looked up in surprise. I’d forgotten he was here. He’d
    taken my hands in his gently and I looked down in surprise
    to see blood underneath my fi ngernails. I’d dug in my nails
    into my upper arms deep enough to cut. I looked at Adrien
    in confusion, the horror of all my feelings too much a jumble
    to pro cess all at once.
    “I want to get away from myself,” I whispered. I clutched
    my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth. “But I
    can’t. I’m stuck here in my head with all these horrible
    memories and feelings and thoughts.”
    “Oh, Zoe,” he said, his voice so soft. He pulled me against
    his chest and smoothed my hair in long, slow strokes. I closed
    my eyes, knowing I didn’t deserve the comfort, but I couldn’t
    manage to pull away either. I couldn’t even cry anymore. It
    was like all the pain had clotted together into a sharp stone in
    my intestines, ripping its way through my insides.
    “Zoe. I’m sorry, so sorry.” His eyebrows were knit to-
    gether. His face looked like I felt, like he was trying to share
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    G L I TC H
    my sadness. I didn’t understand why, but it did make me feel
    less alone. Then I felt a guilty pang for causing him to hurt.
    I stared at the ceiling long after Adrien disappeared up
    through the tile for the night. He was another person who
    cared about me. Another person who could get hurt because
    of me.
    All this time, all I’d wanted was to not be alone, but now
    I realized how much safer it was to have no one to hurt, no
    one to lose. If I got caught, if my pain showed or my powers
    released on accident because I was wrapped up in guilt, all
    our lives would be at stake. I might deserve to hurt for what
    I’d done. I might even need it, but I didn’t have the