Glitch

as I said it, but I kept barreling along.
    “I don’t understand who you are anymore. You’re always
    going off in disguise and spending time with the Uppers. I
    feel like you’re part of this whole other world now, one I
    don’t know anything about. And you’re not telling me every-
    thing, I can feel it.” I searched his eyes. “You’re keeping se-
    crets from me, aren’t you?”
    He didn’t say anything but his face softened. “Come on.”
    He pulled me close and wrapped his arms gently around me.
    “No more fi ghting.”
    I felt suddenly exhausted. I wanted to go back to sleep
    now. Everything was so diffi
    cult— my relationship with Max,
    the buzzing electricity of my power threatening every mo-
    ment to be released, the pain of knowing what I’d done to
    my older brother.
    It did feel good to be held. When Max was like this, I
    could forget how twisted and painful everything was get-
    ting. He rubbed my back gently. He could be so kind when
    he wanted to be. I sank against him.
    Max pulled me into him and put his lips against my neck.
    I pushed him away. “Max, no.”
    “Why?” he said, a mixture of anger and hurt on his face.
    His moods were so mercurial, I could barely keep up. I
    sighed and rubbed my temple. Emotion was exhausting. Life
    had been so much simpler without it.
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    Heather Anastasiu
    “You’re always pushing me away. You know, maybe this
    new girl— Megan? Morgan?— will appreciate me more than
    you.” Max’s voice was acerbic.
    I stepped back, stung. His mouth had twisted into a sneer.
    For a second, in spite of his handsomeness, he looked gro-
    tesque.
    “Maybe I shouldn’t come here anymore,” I said in a
    whisper. I backed away, my whole body trembling.
    “Stop.” He grabbed my arm, his face softening in confu-
    sion. “Wait. I don’t know why I say things like that.” He let
    go of me and ran his hands through his hair.
    “I just want to be with you so badly and then you come
    here and end up pushing me away at the last second. I think
    about you all the time. You’re all I want.” His voice was
    oddly high and close to breaking, and I could see the hurt
    on his face. “Why can’t you want me, too?”
    “Oh, Max.” I put a hand to his face, wishing I could wipe
    the hurt away. “I didn’t mean— I’m sorry—”
    “Don’t,” he said sharply, his face hardening again. “Don’t
    use his word. Not with me.”
    I didn’t know how things had gotten so broken between
    us. I was poison. I hurt everything I touched. I didn’t know
    what else to say, so I turned away. Max didn’t try to stop me
    this time.
    I stood after I’d closed the door to my room and let at the
    tears that had been threatening the entire subway ride home.
    I’d promised not to, but I let myself be weak just this once.
    The drops came in a fl ood, choking sobs that I only barely
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    G L I TC H
    managed to keep quiet. I covered my mouth with my hands
    but I knew I was still being too loud. I grabbed my pillow
    from my bed and stuff ed my face into it to muffl
    e the noise.
    I sank to the ground beside my desk. I didn’t know pain
    could last this long.
    My ribs ached but I kept imagining Max’s face. I didn’t
    know why I couldn’t care about him the way he wanted me
    to, and I hated hurting him. But then again, he hurt me,
    too. And then Daavd . . . oh Daavd. What was the point of
    feeling things when all I seemed to feel was pain?
    “Zoe, are you okay?” Adrien’s alarmed voice came from
    above me. He dropped down, landing with barely any noise
    on the bed and hurrying down the ladder to where I was sit-
    ting.
    “I’m fi ne,” I said, using another tissue and tossing it in the
    trash. “It’s just . . . Max and I . . .”
    “Did he hurt you?” Adrien’s voice was furious.
    “What?” I looked up. “No, of course not. We just—” I
    searched for the right word. “—keep misunderstanding each
    other.”
    “I’m sorry.” He put an arm around me, trying to draw me
    in to his chest. I pulled away. I couldn’t bear to see the same
    kind of hurt on another person’s face that I cared about.
    “Come on,” Adrien whispered, tugging on my hand. I
    nodded and followed Adrien up the ladder to my bed so
    he’d be out of view if anyone came in, all the while taking
    deep breaths to try to start calming myself down. We were
    quiet for several minutes after we sat down.
    “Everything hurts so much since I started glitching,” I
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    Heather