Gone Girl

correct?’
    ‘From our home, yes.’
    Then I knew who he was: He was the guy who’d shown up alone the first day of searches, the guy who kept sneaking looks at Amy’s photo.
    ‘You were at the volunteer center, weren’t you? The first day.’
    ‘I was,’ Desi said, reasonable. ‘I was about to say that. I wish I’d been able to meet you that day, express my condolences.’
    ‘Long way to come.’
    ‘I could say the same to you.’ He smiled. ‘Look, I’m really fond of Amy. Hearing what had happened, well, I had to do something. I just—It’s terrible to say this, Nick, but when I saw it on the news, I just thought, Of course .’
    ‘Of course?’
    ‘Of course someone would … want her,’ he said. He had a deep voice, a fireside voice. ‘You know, she always had that way. Of making people want her. Always. You know that old cliche´: Men want her, and women want to be her. With Amy, that was true.’
    Desi folded large hands across his trousers. Not pants, trousers. I couldn’t decide if he was fucking with me. I told myself to tread lightly. It’s the rule of all potentially prickly interviews: Don’t go on the offense until you have to, first see if they’ll hang themselves all on their own.
    ‘You had a very intense relationship with Amy, right?’ I asked.
    ‘It wasn’t only her looks,’ Desi said. He leaned on a knee, his eyesdistant. ‘I’ve thought about this a lot, of course. First love. I’ve definitely thought about it. The navel-gazer in me. Too much philosophy.’ He cracked a self-effacing grin. The dimples popped. ‘See, when Amy likes you, when she’s interested in you, her attention is so warm and reassuring and entirely enveloping. Like a warm bath.’
    I raised my eyebrows.
    ‘Bear with me,’ he said. ‘You feel good about yourself. Completely good, for maybe the first time. And then she sees your flaws, she realizes you’re just another regular person she has to deal with – you are in actuality Able Andy, and in real life, Able Andy would never make it with Amazing Amy. So her interest fades, and you stop feeling good, you can feel that old coldness again, like you’re naked on the bathroom floor, and all you want is to get back in the bath.’
    I knew that feeling – I’d been on the bathroom floor for about three years – and I felt a rush of disgust for sharing this emotion with this other man.
    ‘I’m sure you know what I mean,’ Desi said, and smiled winkily at me.
    What an odd man , I thought. Who compares another man’s wife to a bath he wants to sink into? Another man’s missing wife?
    Behind Desi was a long, polished end table bearing several silver-framed photos. In the center was an oversize one of Desi and Amy back in high school, in tennis whites – the two so preposterously stylish, so monied-lush they could have been a frame from a Hitchcock movie. I pictured Desi, teenage Desi, slipping into Amy’s dorm room, dropping his clothes to the floor, settling onto the cold sheets, swallowing plastic-coated pills. Waiting to be found. It was a form of punishment, of rage, but not the kind that occurred in my house. I could see why the police weren’t that interested. Desi trailed my glance.
    ‘Oh, well, you can’t blame me for that.’ He smiled. ‘I mean, would you throw away a photo that perfect?’
    ‘Of a girl I hadn’t known for twenty years?’ I said before I could stop. I realized my tone sounded more aggressive than was wise.
    ‘I know Amy,’ Desi snapped. He took a breath. ‘I knew her. I knew her very well. There aren’t any leads? I have to ask … Her father, is he … there?’
    ‘Of course he is.’
    ‘I don’t suppose … He was definitely in New York when it happened?’
    ‘He was in New York. Why?’
    Desi shrugged: Just curious, no reason . We sat in silence for a half minute, playing a game of eye-contact chicken. Neither of us blinked.
    ‘I actually came here, Desi, to see what you could tell me.’
    I tried again to picture Desi making off with Amy. Did he have a lake house somewhere nearby? All these types did. Would it be believable, this refined, sophisticated man keeping Amy in some preppy basement rec room, Amy pacing the carpet, sleeping on a dusty sofa in some bright, clubby ’60s color, lemon yellow or coral. I wished Boney and Gilpin were here, had witnessed the proprietary tone of Desi’s voice: I know Amy .
    ‘Me?’ Desi laughed. He laughed richly . The perfect phrase to describe the