Gone Girl

wife. Better if it’s someone in Carthage, though. More believable. Now—’ Tanner crossed a leg, exposed his bottom row of teeth, uncomfortably bunched and stained in comparison with his perfect picket-fence top row. He held his crooked teeth against his upper lip for a moment. ‘Now comes the harder part, Nick,’ he said. ‘I need total honesty from you, it won’t work any other way. So tell me everything about your marriage, tell me the worst. Because if I know the worst, then I can plan for it. But if I’m surprised, we’re fucked. And if we’re fucked, you’re fucked. Because I get to fly away in my G4.’
    I took a breath. Looked him in the eyes. ‘I cheated on Amy. I’ve been cheating on Amy.’
    ‘Okay. With multiple women or just one?’
    ‘No, not multiple. I’ve never cheated before.’
    ‘So, with one woman?’ Bolt asked, and looked away, his eyes resting on a watercolor of a sailboat as he twirled his wedding band. I could picture him phoning his wife later, saying, Just once, just once, I want a guy who’s not an asshole .
    ‘Yes, just one girl, she’s very—’
    ‘Don’t say girl , don’t ever say girl ,’ Bolt said. ‘Woman. One woman who is very special to you. Is that what you were going to say?’
    Of course it was.
    ‘You do know, Nick, special is actually worse than – okay. How long?’
    ‘A little over a year.’
    ‘Have you spoken to her since Amy went missing?’
    ‘Yes, on a disposable cell phone. And in person once. Twice. But—’
    ‘In person .’
    ‘No one has seen us. I can swear to that. Just my sister.’
    He took a breath, looked at the sailboat again. ‘And what does this—What’s her name?’
    ‘Andie.’
    ‘What is her attitude about all this?’
    ‘She’s been great – until the pregnancy … announcement. NowI think she’s a little … on edge. Very on edge. Very, uh … needy is the wrong word …’
    ‘Say what you need to say, Nick. If she’s needy, then—’
    ‘She’s needy. Clingy. Needs lots of reassurance. She’s a really sweet girl, but she’s young, and it’s, it’s been hard, obviously.’
    Tanner Bolt went to his minibar and pulled out a Clamato. The entire fridge was filled with Clamato. He opened the bottle and drank it in three swallows, then dabbed his lips with a cloth napkin. ‘You will need to cut off, completely and forever, all contact with Andie,’ he said. I began to speak, and he aimed a palm at me. ‘Immediately.’
    ‘I can’t cut it off with her just like that. Out of nowhere.’
    ‘This isn’t something to debate. Nick . I mean, come on, buddy, I really got to say this? You cannot date around while your pregnant wife is missing. You will go to fucking prison. Now, the issue is to do it without turning her against us. Without leaving her with a vendetta, an urge to go public, anything but fond memories. Make her believe that this was the decent thing, make her want to keep you safe. How are you at breakups?’
    I opened my mouth, but he didn’t wait.
    ‘We’ll prep you for the conversation the same way we’d prep you for a cross-exam, okay? Now, if you want me, I’ll fly to Missouri, I’ll set up camp, and we can really get to work on this. I can be with you as soon as tomorrow if you want me for your lawyer. Do you?’
    ‘I do.’
    I was back in Carthage before dinnertime. It was strange, once Tanner swept Andie from the picture – once it became clear that she simply couldn’t stay – how quickly I accepted it, how little I mourned her. On that single, two-hour flight, I transitioned from in love with Andie to not in love with Andie . Like walking through a door. Our relationship immediately attained a sepia tone: the past. How odd, that I ruined my marriage over that little girl with whom I had nothing in common except that we both liked a good laugh and a cold beer after sex.
    Of course you’re fine with ending it , Go would say. It got hard .
    But there was a better reason: Amy was blooming large in my mind. She was gone, and yet she was more present than anyone else. I’d fallen in love with Amy because I was the ultimate Nick with her. Loving her made me superhuman, it made me feel alive. At her easiest, she was hard, because her brain was always working, working, working – I had to exert myself just to keep pace with her.I’d spend an hour crafting a casual e-mail to her, I became a student of arcana so I could keep her interested: the Lake Poets, the code duello, the