Good Omens

lemon from Hell, driven by a grinning lunatic in sunglasses, sitting amid the flames, trailing thick black smoke, coming straight at them through the lashing rain and the wind at eighty miles per hour.
    That would do it every time.

* * *

        The quarry was the calm center of a stormy world.
    Thunder didn't just rumble overhead, it tore the air in half.
    "I've got some more friends coming," Adam repeated. "They'll be here soon, and then we can really get started."
    Dog started to howl. It was no longer the siren howl of alone wolf, but the weird oscillations of a small dog in deep trouble.
    Pepper had been sitting staring at her knees.
    There seemed to be something on her mind.
    Finally she looked up and stared Adam in the blank gray eyes.
    "What bit're you going to have, Adam?" she said.
    The storm was replaced by a sudden, ringing silence.
    "What?" said Adam.
    "Well, you divided up the world, right, and we've all of us got to have a bit.. what bit're you going to have?"
    The silence sang like a harp, high and thin.
    "Yeah," said Brian. "You never told us what bit you're having."
    "Pepper's right," said Wensleydale. "Don't seem to me there's much left, if we've got to have all these countries."
    Adam's mouth opened and shut.
    "What?" he said.
    "What bit's yours, Adam?" said Pepper.
    Adam stared at her. Dog had stopped howling and had fixed his master with an intent, thoughtful mongrel stare.
    "M.. me?" he said.
    The silence went on and on, one note that could drown out the noises of the world.
    "But I'll have Tadfield," said Adam.
    They stared at him.
    "An', an' Lower Tadfield, and Norton, and Norton Woods.. "
    They still stared.
    Adam's gaze dragged itself across their faces.
    "They're all I've ever wanted," he said.
    They shook their heads.
    "I can have 'em if I want," said Adam, his voice tinged with sullen defiance and his defiance edged with sudden doubt. "I can make them better, too. Better trees to climb, better ponds, better ..."
    His voice trailed off.
    "You can't," said Wensleydale flatly. "They're not like America and those places. They're really real. Anyway, they belong to all of us. They're ours."
    "And you couldn't make 'em better," said Brian.
    "Anyway, even if you did we'd all know," said Pepper.
    "Oh, if that's all that's worryin' you, don't you worry," said Adam airily, "'cos I could make you all just do whatever I wanted.. "
    He stopped, his ears listening in horror to the words his mouth was speaking. The Them were backing away.
    Dog put his paws over his head.
    Adam's face looked like an impersonation of the collapse of empire.
    "No," he said hoarsely. "No. Come back! I command you!"
    They froze in mid.. dash.
    Adam stared.
    "No, I dint mean it.. " he began. "You're my friends.. "
    His body jerked. His head was thrown back. He raised his arms and pounded the sky with his fists.
    His face twisted. The chalk floor cracked under his sneakers.
    Adam opened his mouth and screamed. It was a sound that a merely mortal throat should not have been able to utter; it wound out of the quarry, mingled with the storm, caused the clouds to curdle into new and unpleasant shapes.
    It went on and on.
    It resounded around the universe, which is a good deal smaller than physicists would believe. It rattled the celestial spheres.
    It spoke of loss, and it did not stop for a very long time.
    And then it did.
    Something drained away.
    Adam's head tilted down again. His eyes opened.
    Whatever had been standing in the old quarry before, Adam Young was standing there now. A more knowledgeable Adam Young, but Adam Young nevertheless. Possibly more of Adam Young than there had ever been before.
    The ghastly silence in the quarry was replaced by a more familiar, comfortable silence, the mere and simple absence of noise.
    The freed Them cowered against the chalk cliff, their eyes fixed on him.
    "It's all right," said Adam quietly. "Pepper? Wensley? Brian? Come back here. It's all right. It's all right. I know everything now. And you've got to help me. Otherwise it's all goin' to happen. It's really all goin' to happen. It's all goin' to happen, if we don't do somethin'."
    * * *

        The plumbing in Jasmine Cottage heaved and rattled and showered Newt with