Hammered

of his shoulders. His beard was full and copper-colored; the tangles on his head were wild and full of bravado.
    His blue eyes crackled briefly with lightning, a much more impressive version of the special effect they did on the eyes in Stargate , and then he beamed merrily at all of us. Suddenly I could see him in a Saturday morning cartoon vehicle: He’d be Perun, the Happy Hairy Thunder God.
    He asked us in cultured Russian if he could speak to us in that language. Looking at the blank stares on the faces of Leif and Gunnar, I explained to him in Russian that not everyone could speak it.
    » English, then? « he said, his accent thick. We all nodded or murmured assent. » Is bad luck for me. Not my good language. « He shrugged off his misfortune. » I make work. «
    Perun shook hands with everyone, delivering tiny shocks to us all and chuckling softly at our reactions. Then he held up what looked like stone straws.
    » I bring gift, « he said, and passed one out to each of us. » I am not knowing English word for these. They are shield for lightning. «
    Comprehension followed quickly. » Ah, they’re fulgurites, « I said—hollow tubes of lightning-struck sand, superheated to smooth glass on the inside, rough on the outside.
    Perun asked me to repeat the term and I did so. He practiced it a few times, then said, » Keep fulgurite with you always, protect you from Thor. Now his lightning no bother. See? «
    Leif looked at his fulgurite doubtfully. » This will protect me from a lightning strike? «
    » Wonderful! « Perun clapped and smiled at Leif. » We have volunteer for demonstration. «
    » I beg your pardon? « Leif said.
    » Don’t worry, « I said. Perun raised an axe that he’d had strapped to his back into the air. I’m not sure where that had been when he was an eagle; I wondered if he’d teach me how he did it. » I think he means it works like a talisman. «
    » You may recall that the last talisman I had failed to protect me fully, « Leif pointed out with some asperity. He spoke of the cold iron amulet I’d given him to protect from hellfire-throwing witches. » My flesh is highly combus— « At this point, a thunderbolt struck Leif square on the head. We saw the lightning travel down his body and dissipate into the ground. The crack of thunder startled us all, and I, for one, thought surely that Leif would keel over, a smoking, charred ruin. Curiously, though, he was fine. » —tible? « he finished on a querying note.
    » Ha! You see? « Perun cried. » Better than shield. You feel no heat, no spark, yes? «
    » It … sort of … tickled, « Leif said.
    Everyone grinned. » That is most extraordinary, « Väinämöinen said. » Will you strike me next? «
    Perun’s answer was another thunderbolt from the sky. Not a hair on the Finn’s face was singed. This time we all voiced our appreciation effusively. Perun seemed to glow with validation, and he proceeded to strike the rest of us with our very own bolt of lightning » for practice. «
    » Do these have a limit to their protection? « I asked, pointing to my fulgurite. » Good for only twelve strikes or something like that? «
    » No, these blessed for all time by me, « Perun assured us. » You safe from all lightning in future. Thor, Zeus, you name, no lightning bother you as long as you carry. «
    » Begging your pardon, exalted one, but do you speak of carrying it in a pouch or some other pack? « Zhang Guo Lao wondered.
    » Eh? « Perun’s brows met together like amorous hairy caterpillars. » No. Must touch skin somewhere. Hand, foot, backside, no matter. Place in pack, fulgurite protect pack, not you. «
    The enormity of the gift began to sink in, and we thanked him effusively.
    » Is no big deal, « he said, though it was clear he enjoyed the big deal we were making of it.
    » Now that we are all here, I will cast a seeming, « Väinämöinen announced. » We will not appear to be here to anyone who snoops around. «
    I rather thought it would have been a good idea to do that before the five lightning strikes in the same small area, but perhaps it would still be effective. » Pardon me if I’m being impertinent, but do you know if this seeming will deceive the eyes of Hugin and Munin, Odin’s eyes in Midgard? « I asked.
    The wizard’s dark eye sockets swung around to regard me. » An excellent question. The answer is yes. I have had occasion to hide from him before. « He strode back to the rock he’d been sitting on