Hammered

Why should such things matter? There were far weightier questions on my mind. If this mysterious Theophilus was truly older than me, then he’d probably know who was behind the old Roman pogrom against Druids. He might turn out to be the one behind it himself. Such a creature was worth seeking out.
    » And no equivocations, « I added. » I want your best guess at where he is right now and how to make contact with him. «
    » Do you intend to end his existence? « Leif asked.
    » Not unless he gives me cause. I merely wish to chat. «
    » He will wonder how you found him. «
    » I’ll tell him I guessed. «
    » He will know it is a lie. The quickening of your pulse, the tiny chemicals escaping from your skin, analysis of your expression—he will know someone told you and demand you reveal your source. «
    » He can demand all he wants. He cannot take the information from me by force, Leif. You know this. «
    » I do not, « Leif said, shaking his head emphatically.
    » What do you mean? He’s telepathic? «
    » I mean I sincerely do not know. I have never met him. My information on him is vague and extremely suspect. «
    » Whatever. Bring it, « I said. » He’ll never know from me that you ever spoke a word. «
    Leif flared his nostrils and exhaled heavily through them, frustrated. » He is said to divide his time between Greece, Vancouver, and a small tropical town in Australia called Gordonvale. He follows the clouds. «
    » I beg your pardon? «
    » He wants overcast skies. He is supposedly so old, so powerful, that he is capable of walking abroad in daytime for brief periods if it is not full daylight. «
    My eyebrows crept up my forehead. » Can you do this? «
    » No. It takes a tremendous effort for me to remain awake past dawn, even in a sunless basement. «
    » Hmm. You mentioned Greece. In what part of Greece? «
    » Thessaloniki. «
    I frowned. » That is not an especially overcast city. «
    Leif shrugged. » My own private theory is that he is from there originally. «
    That fit with his Greek name, anyway. I kept firing questions at Leif and watching him carefully for signs of prevarication. If he was lying, he was deucedly good at it. Whether they turned out to be true or not, they were leads, at least, something to pursue in the very coldest of cases. And his seeming candor allowed me to hope that perhaps he truly wished us to be friends.
    We spent that night and the next telling stories of our respective pasts—sometimes jokes that didn’t make any sense when translated to English, sometimes adventures in distant lands and in cultures that have long since faded. We tried to top one another in The Weirdest Shit I Ever Ate contest (Väinämöinen won). Zhang Guo Lao pulled out his fish drum and tried to play something along with Väinämöinen’s kantele , but it turned out to be a clash of musical styles that’s best forgotten, sort of like Indonesian Folk Death Polka.
    Leif didn’t ask to drink any of my blood, and I didn’t offer. Neither did anyone else. He seemed no worse off for it, so he clearly didn’t need to drink every evening.
    After the third night of storytelling, I examined the bonds between us and saw that they had strengthened considerably. I felt I had a good grasp of who these men were now.
    » Gentlemen, I believe we are ready, « I told them. » Tomorrow night, we will go to the Norse plane. «

Chapter 21
    Getting five men to simultaneously touch me and the root of a tree was vaguely akin to a game of homoerotic Twister, and I almost giggled—especially since their expressions practically broadcast that they were asking themselves, » Is this gay? « That would have lost me major testosterone points, though, so I firmly refocused my mind on the task and pulled us through to the Norse plane.
    This time, the Well of Mimir was being watched. An eagle let out one of those » Ee-yaahh! « cries that now remind me of the title music to The Colbert Report , and we all turned our heads to find the source.
    » That’s no bird, « Väinämöinen said after a second’s hesitation. » That’s a frost giant. « His magical vision was as good as mine, if not better. When I looked at the eagle’s aura, it didn’t look like a bird of prey. It looked like a huge biped in ice blue. » You’re up, Atticus. «
    I’d been elected to do all the talking, if any were to be done. Väinämöinen spoke Old Norse, but Leif spoke it better, so the vampire would act as translator to the