Harry Potter 05 - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

– the only year we both sat the test and had a teacher who actually knew the subject. But I’m not talking about test results, Harry. Think what you’ve done !’
    ‘How d’you mean?’
    ‘You know what, I’m not sure I want someone this stupid teaching me,’ Ron said to Hermione, smirking slightly. He turned to Harry.
    ‘Let’s think,’ he said, pulling a face like Goyle concentrating. ‘Uh … first year – you saved the Philosopher’s Stone from You-Know-Who.’
    ‘But that was luck,’ said Harry, ‘it wasn’t skill –’
    ‘Second year,’ Ron interrupted, ‘you killed the Basilisk and destroyed Riddle.’
    ‘Yeah, but if Fawkes hadn’t turned up, I –’
    ‘Third year,’ said Ron, louder still, ‘you fought off about a hundred Dementors at once –’
    ‘You know that was a fluke, if the Time-Turner hadn’t –’
    ‘Last year,’ Ron said, almost shouting now, ‘you fought off You-Know-Who again –’
    ‘Listen to me!’ said Harry, almost angrily, because Ron and Hermione were both smirking now. ‘Just listen to me, all right? It sounds great when you say it like that, but all that stuff was luck – I didn’t know what I was doing half the time, I didn’t plan any of it, I just did whatever I could think of, and I nearly always had help –’
    Ron and Hermione were still smirking and Harry felt his temper rise; he wasn’t even sure why he was feeling so angry.
    ‘Don’t sit there grinning like you know better than I do, I was there, wasn’t I?’ he said heatedly. ‘I know what went on, all right? And I didn’t get through any of that because I was brilliant at Defence Against the Dark Arts, I got through it all because – because help came at the right time, or because I guessed right – but I just blundered through it all, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing – STOP LAUGHING!’
    The bowl of Murtlap essence fell to the floor and smashed. He became aware that he was on his feet, though he couldn’t remember standing up. Crookshanks streaked away under a sofa. Ron and Hermione’s smiles had vanished.
    ‘ You don’t know what it’s like! You – neither of you – you’ve never had to face him, have you? You think it’s just memorising a bunch of spells and throwing them at him, like you’re in class or something? The whole time you know there’s nothing between you and dying except your own – your own brain or guts or whatever – like you can think straight when you know you’re about a nanosecond from being murdered, or tortured, or watching your friends die – they’ve never taught us that in their classes, what it’s like to deal with things like that – and you two sit there acting like I’m a clever little boy to be standing here, alive, like Diggory was stupid, like he messed up – you just don’t get it, that could just as easily have been me, it would have been if Voldemort hadn’t needed me –’
    ‘We weren’t saying anything like that, mate,’ said Ron, looking aghast. ‘We weren’t having a go at Diggory, we didn’t – you’ve got the wrong end of the –’
    He looked helplessly at Hermione, whose face was stricken.
    ‘Harry,’ she said timidly, ‘don’t you see? This … this is exactly why we need you … we need to know what it’s r-really like … facing him … facing V-Voldemort.’
    It was the first time she had ever said Voldemort’s name and it was this, more than anything else, that calmed Harry. Still breathing hard, he sank back into his chair, becoming aware as he did so that his hand was throbbing horribly again. He wished he had not smashed the bowl of Murtlap essence.
    ‘Well … think about it,’ said Hermione quietly. ‘Please?’
    Harry could not think of anything to say. He was feeling ashamed of his outburst already. He nodded, hardly aware of what he was agreeing to.
    Hermione stood up.
    ‘Well, I’m off to bed,’ she said, in a voice that was clearly as natural as she could make it. ‘Erm … night.’
    Ron had got to his feet, too.
    ‘Coming?’ he said awkwardly to Harry.
    ‘Yeah,’ said Harry. ‘In … in a minute. I’ll just clear this up.’
    He indicated the smashed bowl on the floor. Ron nodded and left.
    ‘ Reparo ,’ Harry muttered, pointing his wand at the broken pieces of china. They flew back together, good as new, but there was no returning the Murtlap essence to the bowl.
    He was suddenly so tired he was tempted to sink back into his armchair and sleep there,