Hexed

could remember no more.

SIX
     

     
    CAMILLE BURST INTO TEARS, AND KITÄÄ’S LIP was trembling, but I realized it wasn’t out of pity. No, they were tears of sisterhood. After six hundred years of hiding my scars, of hiding my shame, it actually felt good to open up, to show someone else the reminders I carried on my back.
    “You are going to face him? The shadow of your lost love?” Kitää asked.
    I nodded. “I have to. There’s no other way to break the curse than to find out what really happened. And I have to go alone. I asked my friends to come with me for support, but in the end I know I have to face him alone.”
    “When will you go? Shadows exist in the light more than in the dark, you know.”
    I thought about it. Waiting a day, two days, would do nothing for me. I’d no more be ready then than I was now. “I’ll go out at daybreak tomorrow onto the Skirts of Hel and hunt him down. And then . . . I’ll do whatever it takes to find out the truth and to help him rest. Vikkommin must know what happened. He’s my only hope now, for the life that I want.”
    “Is there anything you need tonight? The Pack has trained shamans and we would be glad to offer whatever help we can.” She rested a hand on my arm. “Lady Iris, you are a brave woman, but don’t look a gift horse—”
    “In the mouth. I know. If you could provide me with a private place where I may pray, and if you have anything to strengthen me against the cold and ice tomorrow, I would not turn away the offer.”
    Facing the shadow of Vikkommin would be problematic and I had no clue as to what might happen. But tonight I knew I’d need to spend time in prayer. Even though I had been banished from the temple, Undutar still spoke to me and I needed to know she was with me when I confronted him. I needed to know that she cared.
    Kitää motioned to one of the wolves. “We will prepare your quarters. I will oversee the preparation myself.”
    When Camille and I were alone, she turned to me and took my hands in hers. “Iris, why didn’t you tell us all of this when we first met? Maybe we could have helped, come out here earlier. Are you sure you want to face him alone? You know I’ll stand by your side if you need me.”
    “I know.” And I did know. Camille would fight to the death for me if she had to. But that wouldn’t help right now. “I had to be sure I could trust you first. And then, after I realized how happy I was with you and your sisters, I began to second-guess facing him down. But then I met Bruce, and he wants children, and the thought of telling him he had to choose between me and being a father . . . I couldn’t do it.”
    “I think I understand,” she said, helping me back into my shirt.
    “I never thought I’d have the courage to face Vikkommin’s shadow, but when he came to me on the astral this autumn—remember, you saw him, too—I realized he might somehow be able to hurt the people I love. Who I now call family. And I can’t have that. I can’t leave this undone. So here I am.”
    “What do you think might get through to him? You said he’s mad.”
    “He is, stark raving mad. Wouldn’t you be, lost in a shadow all those years? I don’t know how I’ll reason with him but I have to find something—some spark that still remembers what we had. We were truly in love, or at least I thought so.” I stared at the floor, trying to remember.
    “Why do you say it that way? Did he tell you otherwise?”
    I thought back, but my mind was blank. “I don’t know, but I keep feeling I need to qualify it. I know how much I loved him—from the first time our souls met, there was no one else. The Lady showed me his heart and how could I not love him? And . . . he did seem to love me. We spent most of our spare time together—there was so much to learn, and we had to learn how to work together.”
    “Did he ever tell you how he felt?” Camille let out a slow breath. “Iris, could Vikkommin have been seeing someone else? Someone who wanted you out of the way? Ever since you told me about the whole situation, I keep thinking: Somebody was jealous of you. Somebody wanted the life you were to have.”
    I knew she meant to help, but it couldn’t be that. It was too simple.
    “There was no one. Sure, Vikkommin attracted a lot of attention and there were a few catty remarks about us—I also attracted my share of male acolytes. But the temple Elders questioned everyone. And it took years for another acolyte