Honored Vow

who
    shifted as Crane did, in intervals of time, felt the change. Even Logan,
    whose own shift was slow in comparison to mine, shifted too fast to feel
    the metamorphosis of his body. Semels and reahs never had that
    understanding. Me especially, I had never even glimpsed it.
    “The semel-aten is the one who had Archer kidnap me, he’s the one
    who turned me over to my father, and he’s the one who’s going to have to
    face Logan at the sepat.”
    “I know all this,” I said gently, sliding a centimeter closer to him. I
    was careful, moving slowly, not wanting to startle or spook him.
    “Then why did you come in here?” His voice cracked.
    “Because I wanted to see you,” I told him.
    “Why?”
    “That’s the stupidest question you’ve ever asked me. Why do you
    think?”
    “Jin, I—”
    “You’re mine.”
    His tears welled up and overflowed fast. One second he was just
    staring; the next his head was back against the wall and water was rolling
    down his cheeks.
    “It’s my fault.”
    “It’s not!” he screamed, raw eyes back on me. “It’s my father’s fault,
    and Archer Pike’s, and the semel-aten’s! They did it. They all did it!”
    “I won’t let you be a panther.”

    92

    Mary Calmes

    “I could be your pet.” He laughed suddenly, and it was heartbreaking
    and sad and utterly defeated and slightly unhinged. He was teetering on
    the edge of a complete breakdown.
    “The doctor told Logan that for a normal human man the loss of
    testicles can cause all the side effects you know about, but for you…
    you’re a goddamn werepanther, you ignorant piece of crap! The shift is
    fueled by testosterone; even female werepanthers have an ungodly amount
    of it in their bodies. Use your head, Crane, please.”
    Logan had talked to me on the plane, told me every detail his doctor,
    our doctor, Jefferson Smith, a werepanther himself, had told him. He lived
    in Reno but was part of our tribe, and even though Christophe had made
    the man very generous offers, he refused to renounce the tribe of Mafdet
    for the tribe of Pakhet. He was a good man and had given Logan the facts
    without sugarcoating. It was time Crane heard them.
    “I can’t have kids,” he whispered.
    “You can have all the kids you want, Crane. Just because they won’t
    share DNA with you doesn’t make them any less yours. Logan can’t have
    any of his own kids, either. You think he gives a shit?”
    He dragged in air.
    I moved closer and closer.
    “I’m not a real man anymore.”
    “Being a man has nothing to do with anything between your legs and
    you know it. Anyone in their right mind would be blessed to have you.
    Anyone.”
    He watched me move closer. “If you touch me, I’m gonna be done.”
    I shook my head, almost able to reach him. “No, you’re gonna take
    my strength until yours builds up again.”
    “I should have never gone to Vegas. I should have listened to you.”
    “I never told you not to go.”
    “But you didn’t want me to.”
    “Because I was being selfish, thinking of me, not you.”
    “I think, for a while, I’m gonna move back to the house. I can’t face
    going back there.”
    He had no idea they had torched his condo, and I wasn’t ready to tell
    him that all his things were now ash. “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

    Honored Vow

    93

    He nodded, squinting hard, his eyes filling but not overflowing. “I
    wanna be safe.”
    “I won’t let anyone touch you.”
    But the haunted look in his eyes, to my surprise, didn’t go away.
    The knock on the door startled us both.
    “Jin.”
    Logan was in the hall.
    I turned to Crane. “Do you want him in here?”
    “He’s the semel-netjer, what does he want?”
    I rose and walked to the door, and when I opened it, I was faced with
    my scowling mate. “You asked too much of me to wait.”
    He just stood there until I moved, holding open the door for him. He
    walked into the room, and I locked the door behind him.
    I was surprised that instead of moving toward Crane, he strode to
    where the desk and chair were. Slowly, silently, he took off his clothes. He
    started with his wingtips, put his socks inside of them, and then pulled his
    sweater off over his head. I had no idea what he was doing, just watched
    as all his golden skin was revealed, as everything was draped over the
    chair. When he was completely naked, he shifted into his golden panther
    glory, took a step, and then, in one powerful leap, he was on top of the
    ruined