Hooked

asking for payment. The first one to leave money told me to buy something pretty with it. So I did. It snowballed from there. I found the more money they left, the more worthy I became. I bought a lot of pretty things. I used men the way I guess I felt I’d been used. I had no problem with the ethics. Like I said, no one made me do anything I didn’t want to do, and no one felt shortchanged. I made sure men used protection, not for fear of getting pregnant. I knew that would never happen.”
    “And your parents?”
    “They were disappointed I didn’t go to them, but more concerned about my health. They coddled me the whole summer, but I was too numb to enjoy the attention.”
    “Did you ever hear from the boy? Wasn’t he even interested in what happened, how you dealt with the situation?”
    “Not that summer. It was like I never existed in his life, but he must have known. Small town and all that. His apathy hurt more than anything, and it took a long time to rationalize what kind of person I’d fallen in love with. A very long time.” A smile crossed her lips, this time full and satisfying.
    “But then one evening, six or seven years ago, I was with…a date.” She glanced at him, unable to hide the sheepish expression. “He was a well-known playwright. Gay, but in the closet for anyone outside a small group of theater friends. We were at a table in some trendy after-theater place whose name escapes me, with the actors in his play, almost all well-known. My high school lover, Brian, that was his name,” her voice hitched as if speaking the name caused a gag reflex, “Brian saw me and made a point of coming over. He looked the same, a little heavier, hair starting to thin. I wondered what I’d seen in him, but I suppose that happens when you run into old lovers. I was gracious; he was impressed. He introduced me to his wife. Seven Sisters sort, lockjaw, pearls.” She made a funny sound, neither a laugh nor a sigh. “You know the type, although I doubt it’s your type.”
    “No, not my type.”
    “He called the next day. I’m guessing he must have bribed a restaurant employee to get my number from someone at our table, probably with a good tip.”
    “He called you? After you met his wife? Did he know―I mean―”
    “I know what you mean. I don’t see how he could have. No, he was the same sleazy guy I couldn’t see through ten years before. What goes around comes around.”
    During her story, Tawny had moved to the sofa; Linc took the seat next to her. Stiff at first, she relaxed as she sank back into the deep cushions. He stretched his legs, eyes focused on hers, and took her hand. When her fingers curled around his, he felt they’d reached a turning point.
    “Now you know more about me, but not everything,” she said. “Maybe you even think you understand me, know the reasons I chose the path I did. But I doubt it, because I really don’t know myself why I made those choices. I saw a shrink for years. He told me I understood myself and I could keep going to see him, and he could keep taking my money if all I wanted was the company.” She laughed. “I stopped going after he said that.”
    “So, what do we do now?”
    “I don’t know, Walsh. I’ve unburdened my soul. That doesn’t make you mine or me yours.”
    “No, but it’s a start. I want to see you when this is over. I need to help you get through this mess, clear it up so you don’t have to think about it again.” He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “And I want to make love to you, but not tonight. Not because I don’t want to, but because I do.”
    “You’re a masochist.”
    “No, I’m a realist.”
    “Well, get real about this. I don’t know where this is going, but there are some things you’re going to have to face up to if what we have is more than lust.”
    “Like what?”
    “I’m going to be blunt. I was what I was, and that history isn’t going to change. I don’t want it thrown in my face out of anger or jealousy. I don’t want you ever to use it against me. You’ll take a lot of crap from your cop friends for being a sex crime investigator involved with a hooker. It’s a bad movie scenario. In fact, I could jeopardize your job. I want you to think about that before we start something that could turn into a quagmire.”
    “I’ve never much cared what anyone thought. But my life is mine, not anyone else’s. I’ll worry about the job later.” He got up. “I’d better go, before