Hooked

Part of Stephanie felt freer just being around her.
    The warmth that flowed in the group made what could have been depressing topics a true joy to consider. Ellen, Deb, Abby, Loretta, May, Gretchen, Kai Li, Boxie, and JoAnn…each woman unspooled a potent story of loss, change, and reasons for hope. By lunch, they were laughing and teasing each other, behaving as if they’d been friends their whole lives.
    Coming from the competitive fashion world, Steph had never experienced anything like this openness and lack of pretension. The women dropped all notions of “correctness” and even the inhibiting gloss of manners in favor of a higher standard: caring. Most hadn’t bothered to put on makeup, but as Steph looked around the late session, she realized she had never seen faces more beautiful.
    It was humbling to realize the heroic strength of these women and to think that if she had passed them on the street, she could never have guessed the trials they had endured or the depths of spirit in their sometimes frail bodies. They were diamonds, every one, cut and polished by the harsh experience of cancer, to cast light and hope into others’ lives. It was a realization that began a subtle but significant change in her own heart.
    On the second night, by the water’s edge, Steph was totally undone by the experience of sharing her story with these women. They listened, they understood and they didn’t judge. It was a time for honesty, for fears and hopes and doubts…for supporting each other and letting love guide words and actions. By the end of the evening she had laughed and cried until she was drained of every last ounce of doubt and fear. In their place rose a fullness of hope that said she was not—and never had been—alone in this struggle.
    That night she slept so well and awakened so refreshed that she wanted to hug everyone in sight. So she did! It was only later, as the guides arrived and the hugging continued, that she remembered Finn hugging the women at the retreat last spring. He experienced this same glow, this same love each time he volunteered for a weekend. No wonder he treasured it. The highlight of his year, he called it. She suddenly understood how his hungry heart could be filled by contact with these women…and how lonely it must be when he went home afterward to an empty house.
    Her heart ached physically with the desire to hold him and give him some of the love overflowing in her just then.
    The fishing began in earnest midmorning on Sunday. Her assigned guide was an older fellow named Marv, whose wife had passed away from breast cancer some years back. He was calm and steady and didn’t say much as he led her up a clear stream to “a likely spot.” He showed her where to cast, and let her practice before tying on a fly and trying for a fish.
    Again and again, she cast, remembering the feel of Finn all around her, directing her motions as she’d practiced at the fishing clinic. She worked her rod until it became a comfortable, almost meditative motion that allowed her mind to drift to the sound of the water, the feel of the sun on her face and the overwhelming sense of peace that filled her.
    Suddenly she knew. She knew. This was what Finn felt. This was why he never seemed to be in much of a hurry. This was why he was so patient and accepting and easy to be around. This was where his strength came from. He had felt this same peace and fullness of heart, and he used it to anchor his life. He’d even tried to share it with her. And at the time all she could see was inactivity, mindless repetition and lack of ambition.
    If she could only tell him—no, show him…

Chapter Eleven
    She didn’t have his phone number! He had moved in the years since she’d been with him in Phoenix, and either he was unlisted now or he’d gone strictly to cell phone.
    Waiting for ten o’clock on Monday morning, opening time for Finn’s store in Phoenix, was excruciating. Beth had dropped her youngest off at preschool and hurried over to see what was happening. Steph paced and made coffee and worried quietly that he might hang up on her when she finally did get through to him.
    Sunday night, she had arrived at Beth’s to pick up Mickey, with a glow on her face her sister said she’d never seen before. They’d called Laurie, and the two of them sat Steph down to find out what had happened at the retreat. The change in her brought all kinds of emotions bubbling up, and before long tears were flowing.