Hounded

they had not shaved for several days. I knew the type: They were stoners who were wondering if I had anything smokable behind my apothecary counter. Conversations with them usually began with them asking if my herbs had medicinal benefits. After my affirmative response, they would ask me if I had anything with hallucinogenic properties. I usually sold these types a bag of sage and thyme under an exotic name and sent them on their merry way, because I have no scruples about separating idiots from their money. They would get headaches from the experience and never return. What I feared was that these particular lads would see the Morrigan and never leave alive.
    Sure enough, one of them, wearing a Meat Loaf shirt, saw the Morrigan standing bare-assed in the middle of my shop, hands on hips, looking like a goddess, and he pointed her out to his friend in the Iron Maiden shirt.
    » Dude, that chick is naked! « Meat Loaf exclaimed.
    » Whoa, « said Iron Maiden, who pushed his sunglasses down his nose to get a better look. » And she’s hot too. «
    » Hey, baby, « Meat Loaf said, taking a couple of steps toward her. » If you need some clothes, I’ll be glad to take off my pants for you. « He and his friend began to laugh as if this was incredibly funny, spitting out » hahaha « like automatic weapons fire. They sounded like goats, only less intelligent.
    The Morrigan’s eyes flashed red and I held up my hands. » Morrigan, no, please, not in my shop. Cleaning up afterward would cause me tremendous hardship. «
    » They must die for their impertinence, « she said, and those hair-raising minor harmonics were back in her voice. Anyone with a cursory knowledge of mythology knows that it is suicidal to sexually harass a goddess. Look what Artemis did to that guy who stumbled across her bathing.
    » I understand that this insult must be redressed, « I said, » but if you could do it elsewhere so that my life is not further complicated, I would appreciate the courtesy very much. «
    » Very well, « she muttered to me. » I just ate, in any case. « And then she turned to the stoners and gave them the full frontal view. They were overjoyed at first: They were looking down and so did not see that her eyes were glowing red. But when she spoke, her unearthly voice rattled the windows, and their eyes snapped up to her face and they realized they were not dealing with the average girl gone wild.
    » Put your affairs in order, mortals, « she boomed, as a gust of wind—yes, wind inside my shop—blew their hair back. » I will feast on your hearts tonight for the offense you gave me. So swears the Morrigan. « I thought it was a bit melodramatic, but one does not critique a death goddess on her oratory delivery.
    » Dude, what the hell? « Iron Maiden squealed in a voice a couple of octaves above his prior register.
    » I don’t know, man, « Meat Loaf said, » but my chubby is gone. I’m bailin’. « They tripped over each other in their haste to get out.
    The Morrigan watched them go with predatory interest, and I kept silent as her head tracked their flight even through the walls. Finally she turned to me and said, » They are polluted creatures. They have defiled themselves. «
    I nodded. » Aye, but they are unlikely to provide you much sport. « I was not about to defend them or beg for a stay of execution; the best I could do was imply that they were not worth the trouble.
    » That is true, « she said. » They are pathetic shadows of true men. But they will die tonight nevertheless. I have sworn it. « Oh well, I sighed inwardly. I had tried.
    The Morrigan calmed herself and returned her attention to me. » The defenses you have here are surprisingly subtle and unusually strong, « she said, and I nodded my thanks. » But they will not serve you well against the Tuatha Dé Danann. I counsel you to leave immediately. «
    I pressed my lips together and took a moment to choose my words carefully. » I appreciate your counsel and I am eternally grateful for your interest in my survival, « I replied, » but I cannot think of a better place to defend myself. I have been running for two millennia, Morrigan, and I am tired. If Aenghus truly means to come for me, then let him come. He will be as weak here as anywhere on earth. It is time we settled this. «
    The Morrigan tilted her head at me. » You would truly offer arms against him on this plane? «
    » Aye, I am resolved. « I wasn’t. But the Morrigan is not