Idiopathy

not only because his days of basically being an absolute
animal
when it came to sex were behind him, but also because his aversion therapy meant he could very easily, if the inclination to sleep with any of them arose (which, he assured them, it very definitely would, because they were all
very
attractive, which was precisely why he was enlisting their support), snap his elastic band, which his therapist had placed there to form an anchor with the images of aversion they’d worked on together which, Keith gravely informed the assembled women, were
so repellent
that a woman would basically have to be the most attractive woman alive to still seem attractive after he’d associated her in his head with what were, he near-whispered,
very unpleasant things indeed
.
    ‘This is horrendous,’ said Katherine to Debbie in the staffroom.
    ‘Isn’t it?’ said Debbie, gazing wistfully after Keith. ‘All those awful things he wanted to do …’

    ‘G od,’ said Katherine’s mother, dropping by with Katherine’s sister Hazel in tow, both of them trailing a flatulent cloud of smugness that Katherine felt would have to be professionally removed after they left. ‘This couldn’t have come at a better time. Honestly, Hazel, you’re a
lifesaver
. Wasn’t I just saying to you the other week that I needed to recuperate, Katherine?’
    ‘No,’ said Katherine.
    ‘Oh
don’t
be like that, Katherine,’ said Katherine’s mother. ‘You can come too, next time.’
    ‘No thank you,’ said Katherine.
    ‘And no thank
you
,’ said Hazel. ‘The whole point is to rid yourself of toxins, not take them along with you.’
    ‘That’s enough, Hazel,’ said Katherine’s mother, then, in a tone of voice that somehow suggested it should make Katherine feel better, ‘You look absolutely awful, Katherine.’
    ‘Thanks,’ said Katherine.
    ‘No need for sarcasm. It’s motherly concern. What are you doing to yourself?’
    ‘I think I’m just run-down.’
    ‘Run-down from what?’
    ‘Life.’
    ‘Spare me. Is there any more coffee?’
    ‘I can make some.’
    Katherine’s mother looked her up and down.
    ‘Sit still,’ she said softly. ‘I’ll make it.’
    It struck Katherine that she might cry: an increasingly common response to unexpected kindness. It was something she had to ready herself for, these days. When it snuck up on her unsolicited, she was thrown.
    ‘What have you been eating?’ said her mother, nosing in the fridge. ‘God, there’s a tumbleweed blowing through here.’
    ‘There’s a tumbleweed blowing through a lot of things,’ chimed Hazel.
    ‘I eat out a lot,’ said Katherine.
    ‘Who with?’ said Katherine’s mother.
    ‘No one.’
    ‘You eat out alone? God, darling. That sounds depressing.’
    ‘I like it.’
    ‘No you don’t. You do it and then kid yourself that you like it. It’s how you’ve always been.’
    ‘How have I always been?’
    Katherine felt defensive and edgy, largely because she felt vulnerable and tearful and hated the thought that her mother and, worse, her sister, might see her at a low ebb.
    ‘You’ve always kidded yourself,’ said Hazel.
    ‘Like with what?’
    Her family, she thought, had an unwavering desire and ability to gang up on her.
    ‘Like with everything,’ said Hazel. ‘You don’t have the career you want so you always go off on these ridiculous monologues about how glad you are to have avoided the rat race. You don’t have a relationship so you go on and on about how glad you are not to be in a relationship because men are such a drag. You miss Daniel, so you take absolutely every opportunity to …’
    ‘I do not miss Daniel.’
    ‘Please,’ said Hazel. ‘Anyone would miss Daniel.’
    ‘What is this?’ said Katherine. ‘An intervention?’
    ‘Call it sisterly concern,’ said Hazel.
    ‘That’s enough, you two,’ said Katherine’s mother, carrying through a cafetière. ‘Who wants milk?’
    Katherine lit a cigarette. ‘Not for me. Two sugars.’
    She looked Hazel up and down.
Generic
was the word that sprang to mind. Conservative denim and chunky knits; a makeup routine almost certainly cribbed from a magazine article that used words like
understated
and
confident
.
    Her mother sat back down and dealt with the coffee while Hazel, who was sitting opposite Katherine, gave her the appraising eye.
    ‘Mum’s right,’ she said. ‘You do look awful. Do you want the name of my dermatologist?’
    ‘What you need,’ said Katherine, ‘is