In Death 08 - Conspiracy in Death

his arm over the back of the sofa, and appeared blissfully relaxed. "That particular option would free up your time, allow you to travel more freely. You'd be expected to accompany me on a number of business trips, so it would have a number of benefits to both of us."
    "I'm not looking for a damn job, Roarke."
    "No? Well, my mistake. If you've decided to retire then, we can explore other options."
    "Options, for God's sake. I can't think about this."
    "We could consider making a child."
    The snifter jerked in her hand, brandy sloshing over the rim as she spun around. "What?"
    "That got your attention," he murmured. "I imagined we'd start our family a bit farther down the road, but under the current circumstances, we could easily push it up."
    She wondered why her head didn't explode. "Are you crazy? A baby? Do you mean a baby?"
    "That's the conventional way to start a family."
    "I can't -- I don't -- " She managed to catch her breath. "I don't know anything about babies, kids."
    "You have a great deal of leisure time just now. You can learn. Retiring makes you a perfect candidate for professional motherhood."
    "Professional -- Jesus." She was certain she felt all the blood the hot water had stirred back to life in her body drain away again. "You've got to be joking."
    "Not entirely." He rose, faced her. "I want a family. It doesn't have to be now, it doesn't have to be a year from now, but I want children with you. I also want my wife back."
    "Private security, families." Her eyes filled and stung again. "Just how much do you want to dump on me when I'm down?"
    "I expected better of you," he said coolly and had the tears drying up.
    "Better? Better of me?"
    "A great deal better. What have you done the last thirty-odd hours, Eve, but cry and hide and feel sorry for yourself? Where do you expect that to get you?"
    "I expected you to understand." Her voice broke and nearly undid him. "To give me some support."
    "To understand you crawling away, to support your self-pity." He sipped brandy again. "No, I don't think so. It gets tiring, watching you wallow in it."
    It stole her breath away, the light disgust in his voice, the disinterest in his eyes. "Just leave me alone then!" She shouted it, tossed the brandy aside so that the glass bounced and rolled as the liquor soaked the carpet. "You don't know how I feel."
    "No." Finally, he thought, finally here was her fury. "Why don't you tell me?"
    "I'm a goddamn cop. I can't be anything else. I busted my ass at the academy because it was the answer. It was the only way I knew to make something of myself. To finally be something that wasn't another number, another name, another victim the system sucked up and struggled with. I did it," she said furiously. "I made me so that nothing, nothing that happened before had to matter."
    She whirled away. There were tears again, but these were hot and potent and full of rage. "What I didn't remember, what I did, none of it could change where I was going. Being a cop, being in control, using the system that had, by God, used me all my fucking life. From the inside, with a badge, I could believe in it again. I could make it work. I could stand for something."
    "Why have you stopped?"
    "They stopped me!" She spun back, her hands fisted. "Eleven years, the years that matter, when I trained and I learned and I worked to make a difference somewhere. The bodies stacked up in my mind, the blood I've waded through, and the waste. I see it in my sleep, every face of the dead. But it didn't stop me, never would have stopped me, because it matters too much. Because I can look at them and know what I have to do. And I can live with everything that happened to me, even the things I don't remember."
    He nodded coolly. "Then fight back, and get what you need."
    "I've got nothing. Goddamn it, Roarke, can't you see? When they took my badge, they took everything I am."
    "No, Eve. They didn't take what you are unless you let them. They only took your symbols. If you need them," he continued, stepping to her, "pull yourself together, stop whining, and get them back."
    She jerked away from him. "Thanks for the support." Her voice cracked like ice under a pick as she turned and walked out of the room.
    Driven by temper, she stormed through the house, down to the gym. She stripped off the robe, dragged on a unisuit. Her blood blazing, she activated the combat droid and beat the shit out of it.
    Upstairs, Roarke sipped brandy and grinned like a fool as he