In the After

touch.”
    “Thanks,” I said again, and this time I meant it.
    We walked to another large white building that turned out to be a standard cafeteria. A smell that made my knees weak hit me immediately.
    Burgers. Not pigeon burgers. Not squirrel burgers. Not rat burgers. Honest to goodness hamburgers. I sniffed the air. There was another scent, just as heavenly: French fries.
    My stomach growled loudly. I looked at Rice and grinned. “I skipped breakfast.”
    “We’re supposed to wait for your mother . . . but go ahead, if you want.”
    We made a beeline for the servers and I grabbed a tray. But before I got in line, I stopped.
    “I don’t have any money,” I told Rice.
    “It’s okay, we don’t use money here. We have enough resources for everyone, at least for now. If you live here, you get whatever you want.”
    “Fan.” I smiled and piled plates onto my tray, thinking of what Baby would like to eat as well. Hamburgers, fries, a baked potato, three slices of pizza, some kind of burrito thing, and two pieces of crude-looking apple pie. I made my way past a table of kids my age, all dressed in red, and another table of pregnant women, talking excitedly. I brought the food to an empty table and signed to Baby that she shouldn’t place her shoes on the tabletop. She dropped them under her chair and looked at me expectantly.
    Well, dig in , I told her with a smile. I ate until I was in danger of bursting. Baby was on her second slice of pizza. Rice just watched us, trying to make conversation.
    “You know, you’re not really eating beef.”
    “You could have fooled me,” I mumbled, my mouth full.
    “It’s a synthetic protein that we manufacture from soy and a chemical compound.”
    “Sure tastes real. My dad used to make us eat soy burgers all the time and they weren’t half as good as these are.”
    “We’ve perfected the formula this past year,” Rice told me, obviously pleased. He went on to explain how there was a nearby dairy farm that they were able to save when the Floraes arrived and how they kept the cows fed a steady diet of a synthesized organic compound that maximized milk output with minimal caloric intake. I tried to listen, but I was lost in the euphoria of the banquet in front of me.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN
    Days seem to go by here, but there are no windows in my room and I am unsure about the passage of time. More often than not, I am unable to focus. I can’t think very well. When I ask questions, no one answers. I’ve learned that probing just confuses me and I keep forgetting why it is important in the first place. I’ve stopped asking for my mother, for Baby. If either of them came to see me I do not remember their visit .
    I am brought meals and medication by Dr. Thorpe or one of the nurses. I dutifully swallow the pills and whatever food they put in front of me and fall asleep soon after. I like being asleep. When I’m awake my head is foggy .
    Eventually Dr. Thorpe encourages me to leave my room and visit the common areas and the small cafeteria. There I eat with the other inhabitants of the Ward. They don’t talk and neither do I. I leave them alone. I don’t want to cause any trouble .
    There is a large window in the common room and I sit and look out it sometimes. There is nothing to see really, the glass is thick and covered in bars, but past that I can make out some trees. I like the color green. It goes on endlessly. When the wind shakes the leaves, it seems as if the world is rattling .
    Sometimes, when I’m lost in the trees, I feel someone there, sitting next to me, holding my hand. The hands are rough and much larger than mine, but gentle and masculine at the same time. I feel like they belong to someone I should remember. Sometimes he doesn’t hold my hand, but I still feel him there, watching over me. When I turn to look, though, he’s gone and I wonder if he was really there at all .
    • • •
    He stares at you when he thinks you’re not looking .
    Maybe it’s the fan haircut you gave me . Crossing my eyes, I stuck my tongue out at Baby. I can’t help that I’m beautiful .
    He’s looking at your face, not your hair , Baby told me with a slight smirk. I realized she was giving me a hard time. I made another face at her, but I inwardly smiled and tried to hide my blush. I looked up and saw Rice watching us, trying to figure out what we were saying. He raised his eyebrows questioningly.
    “Baby was just talking about my awesome haircut,” I lied.