In the Midst of Life

Philip Lawrence, headmaster, was murdered outside his school in 1995, while trying to defend one of his pupils from an attack by a gangfrom another school. His widow set up an award scheme for good citizenship by young people, and works towards this aim.
    In 1863, after her four-year-old daughter fell downstairs and broke her neck, Josephine Butler started working with young girls dragged into prostitution, and her lifelong work led to the repeal of the Contagious Diseases Act in 1886. There have been many examples of courageous and life-changing activities of lasting value inspired by the trauma of bereavement.
    Facing death induces us to see life through new eyes; our perspective is altered, sometimes profoundly. Most of us live a headlong existence, so we are too busy to question the meaning of life. Suddenly all is changed, all our values are open to question and doubt. Even those who are non-believers begin to search for answers to questions like, ‘What is the meaning of life?’ ‘Why are we here?’ ‘What is life?’ ‘What is death?’ Bereavement leads some of us to think that there must be more to life than that which is concrete and visible, and we find there is a larger, deeper purpose than we had ever suspected. For some, asking these questions, even though there can be no positive answers, can transform their whole way of living.

STROKE
     
    Mrs Doherty’s life, for many years, had been perfect, she told all her friends and neighbours. ‘Who could ask for more at my age? I’m in good health, I am independent, I am always busy, but can go on holiday whenever I want. Above all, I see my grandchildren all the time. I miss my dear husband very much, but Jamie has been very good to me since his father died.’
    James and Tessa Doherty had three children aged between six and sixteen at the time of this story. They had a large house and garden, and when Jamie’s mother was widowed, they suggested she should come and live with them; but Mrs Doherty valued her independence and did not want to relinquish it. However, a few years later, the house adjoining the bottom of their garden came on to the market and Jamie suggested that they should buy it for his mother. He pointed out that she would have complete privacy and independence, but also be close to her family as she grew older. Mrs Doherty inspected the house, and hesitated. She loved the home she had shared with her husband for forty years, in which they had brought up three children, but she knew that it was too big for one person; she was getting older and would have to move at some stage. The children ran around the empty house with her, full of excitement. ‘You’ll be coming to live near us, Granny. Lovely!’
    ‘I’m not so sure,’ she replied cautiously. ‘Let me think about it.’
    ‘Please,’ they chorused. ‘Please, Granny’
    ‘Don’t pressure me,’ she said.
    What tipped the balance of her indecision was the remark of one of the boys:
    ‘Daddy can cut a hole in the fence, and make a gate, then we can come and see you whenever we want to.’
    Thatdid it. Any woman would have been foolish to refuse. In due course her large house was sold, the new one bought, and the move accomplished. It was total success from every point of view. She had a small but comfortable home, a small garden which she valued, and complete independence. Jamie duly removed a section of fence between the two properties, and a gate was installed, which was always left open. Not only the children, but the dog, ran freely from one house to the other.
    Mothers-in-law can frequently be a pain to their daughters-in-law. But Tessa had no such complaint. In fact, she valued her mother-in-law’s proximity, help and company. She was expecting her fourth baby and was feeling more tired than she had in the other pregnancies. The three children, all under ten, were a handful. The summer holidays came, and Tessa was in the last weeks of pregnancy; it was hot, and half the time she was exhausted. The fact that she could send the children down the garden to Granny was a great relief to her. ‘I don’t know how I would manage without you,’ she said. But what she valued most, she realised, was the fact that her mother-in-law never criticised and never interfered. She was helpful, but neither demanding nor domineering. Jamie was delighted. After all, the whole idea had been his in the first place. He congratulated himself on a good plan well executed.
    The eldest