InSight

of others aren’t doing every day.”
    She got up—angry she lost her cool—tripped over the leg of the sofa table and fell to the floor. Her outstretched hands broke the fall, but she went down hard and fast. The chaos of the last couple of months swirled in her mind like a pinwheel caught in a gust of wind. Stewart’s resurrection, Lucy’s deception, and Luke’s misplaced adoration. She wanted to crawl into a hole where Luke couldn’t see the tears welling in her eyes.
    He rushed around to the other side to help her up, but she shrugged him away. Then it all erupted. She faced in his direction, pronouncing every syllable, so he wouldn’t miss a single word.
    “Do you know what it was like for me that first year? Do you? You said you wanted to eat your gun. Oh, how I understood that. I’d wake up every morning and think when I opened my eyes the nightmares would stop. I kept seeing that last day of Macy’s life like a visual broken record. Only in my nightmare, I got to her in time and held her in my arms. It seemed so real, so perversely real. I would have gladly gone back to sleep forever to see her one more time. To hold her in my arms.”
    Luke sat on the floor next to her. He put both hands on the sides of her face so she knew he was focused on her words.
    “Oh, Abby, I ― ”
    She held her finger to his mouth and shook her head. “I want you to understand that I’m no different than you or any of my patients, certainly no one to be in awe of. In the beginning, I lay in bed reciting a hundred reasons why I shouldn’t get up. I wondered how I’d make it through another day swishing a fucking cane to keep from walking into doors or falling down a flight of stairs. Another day of feeling so goddamn helpless that I sat with my prescription pain pills clutched in my hand and debated swallowing all of them. I did that every day in the beginning.”
    She reached out and stroked her hand down the side of his face. “We hold those things inside because no one wants to hear them, but there are times when anger or frustration or self-pity surfaces, usually not in a pleasant way and hopefully not when anyone else is around. But it comes out no matter how much we rationalize that this is the way life is always going to be and we can’t change it. I understand those feelings inside me. I understand them in my patients. I understand them in you.”
    Luke tilted up her head. “You’re the strongest person I know, but even the strongest person has to let go sometimes.”
    “I’m glad you feel that way because I can’t say that what just happened won’t happen again. When I miscalculate and walk into something, I’m usually alone and don’t have to inflict my rage on anyone else. The problem is you’ve never seen that, but I want you to know it’s there. I won’t apologize for it.
    “Now, are you still in awe of me?”
    “Come here.” He pulled her up and encircled her in his arms. “In awe and in love. I’m afraid you’ll have to accept that.”
    She tucked her head into the crook of his neck, comforted by his words, secure in his warmth. She raised her face to him. “I hate losing control, and I hate that you saw me do it.”
    “It’s not losing control, it’s being human, and you don’t have to apologize.” He kissed her. “Come on,” he said, “the track’s lighted. Let’s go for a run. Best thing in the world to blow off frustration.”

Chapter Twenty-Four
    Invading the Domain

    L uke picked up Abby from work. “I’m leaving in an hour or so to go to Charlotte . The CPD got wind of a meeting at a restaurant between a major meth cooker and a dealer. They asked me to lip-read in hope I can tell them the location of the lab supplying North and South Carolina .”
    He could see the frown on Abby’s face. “I’ll be out of sight. They won’t see me.”
    “I know you. If you get the details, you’ll want to be in on the bust.”
    Damn, she knew him so well . “You got me started on this lip-reading career.”
    “I know. I also noticed you didn’t disagree with me about the bust.”
    “I might not even get the details. The owner of the restaurant said he’d seat them where I’ll be able to see. Besides, the cops won’t let me go.”
    “You’ll find a way.”
    “This one’s important. Meth is a major problem. I’ll do anything to stop the spread. I’m as much a victim of the damn stuff as if I took it myself.”
    Luke remembered his last day on the streets, the