Jane Actually

he spent in his weekly chats with the men and the separate conversations he held with them via email, twitter and facebook. It was almost like getting five uncles who wanted to tell you about their lives and families, but he didn’t mind. His was a small family, so he found a great deal of enjoyment in becoming a favourite nephew.
    All the men except Albert were aged between 50 and 70 when they’d died, and he imagined them all with a twinkle in their eye. They were all white males with a taste for literature and all had been married.
    The oldest among them, based on when he died, was Albert, who was also the youngest when he died at 27 and the man Stephen felt closest too. His avatar was the Tommy.
    BertieFromHants says:
    Ah, the hour produces the man.
    BeauAbrams says:
    I see the party’s in fulls wing. But before we get too far along, I just want to remind everyone to send in your field fingerprint. We’re still missing a few.
    AlanJTimison says:
    Guilty. I’ll send it tomorrow, first thing.
    WalkLikeADuck says:
    Me three. Sorry, I meant to last week. Slipped my mind.
    BeauAbrams says:
    Yes, well you know my terminal will be preset with your fingerprints so …
    AlanJTimison says:
    Yes maam.
    WalkLikeADuck says:
    He’s worse than my wife
    BeauAbrams says:
    And I’m afraid I got bumped off the list for the Regency tea at the woman’s club. I guess they overbooked and they asked if I’d mind skipping it.
    The men—except for Albert—expressed themselves on the subject of tea.
    mikechapman says:
    I was never much of a tea drinker when I was alive.
    WalkLikeADuck says:
    Those little sandwiches couldn’t satisfy me.
    AlanJTimison says:
    Real men don’t trink dea.
    Stephen wondered how genuine was their lack of remorse. Men who’d willingly go to a Jane Austen AGM probably would enjoy tea, but for some reason his past chats with the men had devolved into a bizarre Victorian men’s club with Benny Hill overtones.
    He watched ruefully as the men traded suggestions about substitutes for the tea involving strip clubs, dog racing and a cigar bar. He got a private chat message.
    BertieFromHants has requested a private chat
    BertieFromHants says:
    Sorry Stephen. They seem determined to embarrass you.
    BeauAbrams says:
    That’s OK, Albert. I know they’re just high spirited.
    BertieFromHants says:
    Yes, boys will be boys. I shall try to convince them that you are not a … Jell-O shots sort of person, whatever that is.
    BeauAbrams says:
    That would be appreciated. I know they would have liked to go to the tea. It was my fault for not registering sooner.
    They quit their private chat and Stephen and Albert did their best to sway the men from indulging in fraternity shenanigans. “I will not ride a mechanical bull,” he warned.
    Eventually Stephen promised that he would put his name on the cancellation list for the tea and suddenly their attitude toward the manliness of tea changed.
    mikechapman says:
    well to be sociable I would go
    lastchance says:
    To borrow from Willy Sutton, 2 that’s where all the women are. So sure, I guess tea wouldn’t be so bad.
    After this was resolved, the men started swapping stories of their youthful escapades, each story being more outrageous than the previous. After a particularly salacious recount by Alan, Stephen claimed he needed sleep and wished the men good night. He lurked for a time though, trying to follow the various threads of reminiscences.
    They were not the typical image of men interested in Jane Austen. He recalled a former girlfriend who’d been baffled by his love of Jane—“real men don’t read Jane Austen”—but these were fully realized men who liked Jane Austen. They might pretend to a bluff, hearty masculinity, but they were as in love with Jane as he.
    When the topic moved to Jane’s presence at the AGM, it was clear their opinion ran toward a belief that she was the true Jane, and their attitude became worshipful. Their double entendres disappeared to be replaced with speculations of what she might be like and whether she would appear in any of the chat rooms during the AGM.
    He had to admit it was really cute how the men quickly shed their rakish behaviour once they talked about Jane. And then he laughed at how embarrassed the men would be if they’d known he’d called them cute.
    I really need to watch a Bruce Willis film,
he thought as he put his computer to sleep and then himself.
    1 You can find this in Chapter 21 of
Northanger Abbey
    2