Jane Actually

going to address me while I’m speaking as you, I think you will make me nervous.”
    “Quite right, Mary,” Melody said. “I’m glad you at least understand how this must work.”
    Mary smiled at this, happy for once to be the target of Melody’s praise. Just last night, Melody had been quizzing Mary about the details of Jane’s life until she knew them better than the author herself.
    Her biggest challenge was remembering Jane’s family tree, which included Lloyds, Perrots, Lefroys, de Feuillides, Leighs and Knights. Fortunately Jane could untangle the most complicated family ties, but Melody insisted Mary memorize Jane’s genealogy for those times when she was speaking extemporaneously—without Jane being present.
    Jane’s task to prepare for the book tour was to answer inane questions posed to her by Melody: What was your favourite food? Who was your favourite brother? Did you ever fire a weapon?
    She also asked Jane considerably more personal and delicate questions: How did you get along with your mother? Did you ever fall in love? Were you ever attracted to women? Did you ever have sex?
    Melody asked these “gotcha” questions as she called them only when Mary was actively representing Jane and usually at the most inopportune moments. She said Jane and Mary had to be prepared to deal with rude questions, but Mary sometimes wondered whether Melody secretly wanted the answers and was using their training as an excuse to ask.
    Therefore it didn’t surprise Mary when Melody asked, “So Jane, did you and Tom Lefroy ever do it?”
    Mary was prepared to use one of their stock responses, perhaps: “Does impertinence pass for cleverness in this day and age?” And so she was amused when Jane directed her to say, “Yes we did, regularly and with gusto. We often did it in the library while reading
Tom Jones
.” 3
    The look on Melody’s face was priceless, and Mary had the further joy that she was behaving as Melody had asked, conveying Jane’s words exactly.
    Melody was trying to respond when they heard a commotion from the hallway and then Mr Britten returned followed by a stream of people
    “Apparently we had quite a few waiting outside,” he told them. “And some were shopping, so we made an announcement in the store. Sorry about the confusion.”
    Melody accepted his apology with ill humour but Mary again responded graciously for Jane.
    “Please do not concern yourself, Mr Britten, especially as you have supplied a multitude.”
    That might have been a slight exaggeration, but there were now about twenty people in the lecture room and the noise level rose considerably. The people who’d been waiting outside were especially vocal, as they’d already formed friendships from waiting.
    “Excuse me, Miss Austen, Ms Kramer?” a woman asked. Melody and Mary turned to see an additional group of five women and one man enter the room. The man, and the woman immediately next to him, was dressed in Regency costume and all were wearing JASNA badges or pins or some other device that identified them as Janeites.
    Melody put on her professional smile and addressed the tall black woman who had spoken. “Ms Hawkins, I’m so glad you could make it.”
    “So sorry we’re late. We met up at a restaurant before coming and the service was abysmal and … you know how it is.”
    While she was talking to Melody, her eyes were of course on Mary, who was conspicuous for her youth, beauty and her dress, which suggested a Regency costume. It was actually Melody’s idea to give Mary a high-waisted wrap around muslin skirt that she could wear over her mid-length empire waist dress. This allowed Mary to travel to an event somewhat inconspicuously and by adding the wrap around skirt she suddenly became Jane Austen.
    Melody could see the women wished to address Mary, but were clearly reluctant to put themselves forward.
    “Ms Hawkins, ladies, sir,” Melody said with the sudden inspiration that formality seemed advisable, “may I introduce you to Miss Jane Austen.”
    Almost as one the ladies half curtseyed 4 (or bowed or nodded) and the gentleman gave a bow. Mary responded with a wide smile and a curtsey and then said, “I am very glad to meet you, Ms Hawkins.” And then with an inspiration of her own, Mary advanced to each member of the group and offered her hand, but not with the thumb up. Instead with the women she took the extended hand and clasped it in her own and to the gentlemen she offered her hand, which