Just Remember to Breathe (Thompson Sisters)

invisible shaking in his hands. He was asking me to take him back, and it was laying him open, vulnerable to being hurt as bad as he’d hurt me.
    That’s why it was really tough to do what I knew I had to do.
    I shook my head. “No,” I said, very quietly.
    He nearly collapsed into his seat. I kept my eyes away from him.
    “I can’t live with that. With you… deciding it’s over, then just as quickly deciding you want me back. You don’t get to make those decisions all by yourself.”
    I cut my eyes away from the wall, and back to him. He sat, looking glum, staring at the table. Then he said, his voice rough, “I was afraid of that.”
    I leaned forward, and said, “Damn it, Dylan. This is twice. Twice you’ve broken my heart. Twice you’ve made me feel like I was… like I was worthless . If you want me, you damn well have to convince me. If you want me, you have to finally, after all this time, start telling me what you are thinking and feeling. No more bullshit, no more hiding, no more long silences. If you want me, you need to make a commitment and work for it.”
    I stood up, knowing I was going to start crying if I didn’t get out of there right this instant. Looking down at him, I struggled to maintain my composure as I said, “I love you, Dylan Paris. But sometimes love by itself… it’s just not enough.”
    I threw some money on the table and walked away, my back straight, trying to hide the tears starting to leak from my eyes.

    That’s not much of a plan (Dylan)

    I walked back to my apartment in a fog. I was a damned fool.
    I’ve never been much of one for waterworks, so there wasn’t much of that. Instead, I just felt dead inside. I’d give a lot to be able to break down and cry, which is what I suspected she was going to go do.
    If you want me, you damn well have to convince me.
    I didn’t have a clue how to go about doing that. Not a fucking clue. What I knew was what I’d been coming to realize in the last couple weeks, as we were going through her farcical self-defense training. Did she think I didn’t know the university offered self-defense training for free? This was about pulling us together. This was about her keeping an eye on me, about giving us an opportunity to come back together. And maybe I … maybe I relished that safety a little bit. Maybe I took her for granted, and assumed that if I changed my stupid mind, she’d be waiting for me.
    I was wrong.
    Her face when she said it firm, direct, and very clear. The answer was no. She wasn’t having me back. Not unless I made some changes. But I didn’t know what kind of changes she was looking for.
    When I walked back into my apartment, Sherman was sitting there, packing his bag, preparing to go home. He looked up as I entered, and when I closed the door behind me he said, “Where’s Alex? She didn’t come back with you?”
    I shook my head.
    “Shit,” he said. “You didn’t ask her? If she’d take you back?”
    I stood there, then nodded. “I did.”
    “Oh. Oh crap,” he said. “She shot you down.”
    I nodded, then told him what she’d said. He listened carefully. Then he sat, considering for what seemed like an eternity. I collapsed on the couch.
    Ron, my elusive roommate from the chemical engineering department, came out of his room then. He nodded to me, walked to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. Then he waved, and disappeared back into his room. That was my fucking life.
    “Dude, you fucked up, bad. You know that, right?”
    I sighed. That was damned helpful. “Yeah. I know.”
    “So… what are you going to do?”
    “Convince her,” I replied.
    “How?”
    “Not a fucking clue.”
    He frowned. “That’s not much of a plan. Tell me what she said again.”
    I went through it again. Commitment. Telling her how I felt, as if I knew the answer to that. Convince me.
    He frowned, and then said, “Look, dude, I’ve got to get to the airport or I’ll miss my flight. But it seems to me like she gave you the plan already. She told you what you have to do. Now it’s up to you. Listen, I’ll call you next week. Keep me updated on the plans for the trial, all right?”
    I nodded. We clasped hands, and then he grabbed me in a bear hug and growled, then headed out the door.
    I went back to my room and collapsed on the bed, staring at the picture of her I kept on my nightstand.

    Don’t freak out (Alex)

    I love flying west. It’s quirky, I know, but the nice thing about it is, you can leave in the