Just Remember to Breathe (Thompson Sisters)

approached another human being again in my life, I was going to do whatever it took to let her know exactly how I felt.

    One can always hope (Alex)

    Somehow we made it to the house without me completely falling apart. Jessica handed me the phone, silently, and I wiped my call history on the spot. But I knew that before very long, she’d be coming to me with questions.
    Questions I didn’t really have answers for. My parents were going to be insufferable enough this trip. They always were. They wanted to control every aspect of my life, from the classes I chose to the boys I dated, and they’d never liked Dylan. Worse, for much of high school, they’d unsubtly pushed me toward a series of stuck-up boys from families they knew: rich boys, boys with futures. Randy Brewer was one of those boys, and when we ended up going to Columbia together, they’d hinted more than once that Randy would be a good choice for my future.
    If they only knew. I was certain that Randy’s parents, two of the most arrogant, stuck-up people I’ve ever met in my life, would do everything they could to bury the charges, to avoid publicity, to scrub their son’s life clean. Oh God. My stomach cramped again.
    Dylan was strong. He was brave. But was this going to be too much for him? Would it be one last thing that would finally push him over the edge?
    And I had just rejected him yesterday!
    I didn’t think it would be possible to hate myself more than I did at that moment.
    Of course, just getting into the house was a production. Jessica and Sarah finally spoke to each other as we got out of the car. They started bickering over some nonsense, and my mother got flustered trying to get them to stop.
    Our house was a four-story townhouse, two blocks from Golden Gate Park, overlooking San Francisco. Our garage was on the ground floor, then the living room, kitchen and dining room just above. My bedroom was on the fourth floor. Getting up there meant stopping in the library first to greet my father, who was sitting in front of his computer when I walked in. He was a tall man, with a gaunt face accentuated by a neatly trimmed beard. Even here at home, he dressed formally, in a tie and sweater.
    He stood, held his hands out and hugged me.
    Jessica had paused at the door when I walked in, and said, “Alex isn’t feeling well today.”
    “Oh no,” he said. “Do you need to go to the doctor?”
    I shook my head. “Just something I ate. I’m going to go lay down for a bit; I’ll be fine.”
    “Well then. Go get some rest, and we’ll see you at dinner.”
    “Thanks, Dad.”
    I escaped with no further questioning, then dragged my bags up to the fourth floor.
    Thirty seconds after I entered my room, Carrie joined me, closing the door behind her.
    “Tell me what happened,” I said.
    She sat down on the bed, facing me.
    “Kelly called me. She saw a news report about Randy… apparently last night he met a girl at the 1020, and followed her home. And raped her. ”
    “Oh, God,” I whispered. “It’s my fault. If I’d reported it last spring…”
    “Alex, stop that. Randy Brewer is to blame. Not you.”
    I put my arms around myself and leaned forward, breathing slowly and carefully, trying to keep myself together.
    Then I blurted out, “Dylan talked to me yesterday. Told me he’d had second thoughts, and asked me to take him back. Just yesterday.”
    She put her arms around my shoulder, and I whispered, “I told him no, Carrie. I told him he’d have to… somehow prove himself. Prove that he’s serious, and won’t leave again.”
    I began to shake with great wrenching muscle spasms, gasping for air as I sobbed on her shoulder.
    “Oh God, I screwed up, Carrie. I told him no, right when he needed me the most.”
    She whispered, “There’s no way you could have known this was going to happen, Alex.”
    “It doesn’t matter what I knew or didn’t know. What matters is he’s all alone, and I’m stuck! I should be there with him, and instead I’m stuck in San Francisco for ten days.”
    She whispered, “You’ve got friends who care about you. We can get a message to him through Kelly or Joel, okay? Just keep it together. You’re going to have a tough enough time with all this, without Mom and Dad getting on your case.”
    “Screw them,” I said.
    Just then my bedroom door opened. No knock. Nothing.
    It was Jessica.
    “You can stop whispering,” she said. “I heard everything.”
    Carrie sat up straight, shock on her