Kinder des Schicksals 4 (Xeelee 9): Resplendent

our identity.’
    She felt angry, threatened; she tried to strike back at him. ’And
is that what you’re seeking here? An identity from unravelling this
piece of obscure physics?’
    ’Oh, there is much more here than physics.’ He said softly, ’Have
you ever heard of Michael Poole? He was one of the first explorers of
Sol system - long before the Occupation. And he found life,
everywhere he looked.’
    ’Life?’
    ’Luru, that primordial supernova did more than spray superheavy
atoms through the crust of the young Earth. There were complex
structures in there, exotic chemistries. Life. Some of us believe
they may be survivors of a planet of the primordial supernova - or
perhaps they were born in the cauldron of the supernova itself, their
substance fizzing out of that torrent of energy. Perhaps they breed
that way, seeds flung from supernova to supernova, bugs projected by
the mighty sneezes of stars!
    ’There is much we don’t understand: their biochemistry, the deeper
ecology that supports them, their lifecycle - even what they look
like. And yet we know there is a forest down there, Luru, a chthonic
forest locked into the substance of the ground, inhabited by
creatures as old as the Earth itself. You see, even in these
unimaginably difficult times, we are finding new life - just like
Michael Poole.’
    Wonder flooded her, unwelcome. Bombarded by strangeness, she felt
as if some internal barrier were breaking down, as if Symat’s bizarre
superheavy creatures were swimming through her mind.
    He peered into her eyes, seeking understanding. ’Now do you see
why I’m prepared to fight for this place? Humans aren’t meant to be
drones, for the Qax or anybody else. This is what we live for.
Exploration, and beauty, and truth.’
     
    She returned to Conurbation 5204, without Symat. She filed a
report for Gemo Cana. Her duty fulfilled, she tried to get back to
work, to immerse herself once more. As always, there was much to
do.
    But the work was oddly unsatisfying.
    She was distracted by doubt. Could it really be true, as Symat had
said, that her career trajectory, with its pleasing succession of
tasks and promotions, was just a Qax social construct, a series of
meaningless challenges meant to keep bright, proactive people like
herself contented and contained and usefully occupied - useful for
the Qax, that is?
    Meanwhile it was a busy time in the Conurbation. The cramped
corridors were crowded with people, all of them spindly tall, bald,
pale - just as Luru was herself - all save the pharaohs, of course;
they, having been born into richer times, were more disparate, tall
and short, thin and squat, bald and hairy. The cadres were undergoing
their biennial dissolution, and everybody was on the move, seeking
new quarters, new friends, eager for the recreation festival to
follow, the days of storytelling and sport and sex.
    Luru had always enjoyed the friendly chaos of the dissolutions,
the challenge of forming new relationships. But this time she found
it difficult to focus her attention on her new cadre siblings.
    At the age of twenty-two Luru was already done with childbirth.
She had donated to a birthing tank; it was a routine service
performed by all healthy women before they left their late teens, and
she had thought nothing of it. Now, thinking of the families of Mell
Born, she looked at the swarms of youngsters scrambling to their new
cadres, excited, all their bare scalps shining like bubbles on a
river, and wondered if any of these noisy children could be hers.
     
    Gemo Cana said, ’I read your report. You’re right to question why
Suvan needs to manufacture his strange elements. He’s obviously
planning something, some kind of rebellious gesture. ’ She looked up
from her data slate, as if seeing Luru for the first time. ’Ah. But
you aren’t interested in Symat Suvan and his grubbing in the dirt,
are you?’
    ’I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
    Cana put down the slate. ’It got to you. The outside. I can see it
in you. I knew it would, of course. The only question is what
difference it’s going to make. Whether you will still be useful.’ She
nodded. ’You have questions, Luru Parz. Ask them.’
    Luru felt cold. ’Symat Suvan told me that the Qax’s ultimate
intention - ’
    ’Is to cauterise the past. I suppose he talked about our identity
being dissolved, and so forth? Well, he’s right.’ Cana sounded tired.
’Of course he is. Think about what you’ve done. What