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us for merchants, once he heard Ysandre de la Courcel’s name, Lord Mesilim became very helpful, assigning four of his men to serve as guides and assisting us in plotting a course.
It was our intention to make for Nineveh, which had the virtue of being the nearest city to Drujan. More importantly, it was the city which the Khalif’s son, Sinaddan-Shamabarsin, had been given to rule; the Lugal, or prince, he was called. And most important of all, the Lugal of Khebbel-im-Akkad was wed to Valère L’Envers, daughter of Duc Barquiel and cousin to the Queen. Hence, our tenuous alliance.
Odd to reflect, but I remembered when that union had taken place. Indeed, I’d been among the first to hear of it, from the lips of Rogier Clavel, a minor lordling in the Duc L’Envers’ service. A besotted patron, nothing more; my lord Delaunay had used him as a stepping-stone to reach his old enemy L’Envers. And I had been ... what? Delaunay’s anguissette , nothing more.
It seemed so very long ago.
“Do you remember?” I asked Joscelin, aboard the ship which would take us from Iskandria to Tyre. “When official word of their wedding was released? It was just before you were assigned to Delaunay’s household.”
“I remember,” he said, and was silent a moment. “That long ago?”
“Yes,” I said. “Because it wasn’t until after that Duc Barquiel returned to Terre d’Ange. And the first time you accompanied me, it wasn’t to an assignation. It was to ask Childric d’Essoms to present an offer from Delaunay to the Duc, and ask a meeting.”
“I remember.” He smiled wryly. “He put a dagger to your throat. I tried to tender my sword to Delaunay afterward. He wouldn’t take it.”
“No,” I agreed. “He wouldn’t. And then Barquiel’s men came and insisted Alcuin accompany them ...”
“... and you insisted on going, and Delaunay ordered me as well, and you and I and Alcuin ended up eating bread and cheese in the Duc’s kitchen while he and Delaunay discussed affairs of state.” Joscelin laughed. “Elua! Were we truly that young and foolhardy?”
“Yes.” I leaned against him. “And you thought I was the most willful, depraved creature you’d ever laid eyes on.”
“You were,” he said companionably, putting his arm about me. “As I recall , when Delaunay threatened to sell your marque if you didn’t stay put, you reminded him that Melisande Shahrizai might be interested in buying it.”
I winced. “I said that, didn’t I? I didn’t know what she was, then.”
“No.” Joscelin looked at me. “But you do now. Phèdre, why did you swear an oath to her in La Serenissima?”
I was silent for a long while, gazing out at the ocean. It looked much like any other stretch of sea, interminable waves dashed by the wind into curling white crests. I should be glad, I supposed, that the overcast sky merely threatened rain. Though we were only going up the Akkadian coast, it was later in the season than sailors favored. “I don’t know,” I said finally. “It was only to help find her son. I never dreamed it would lead to this.”
“I know.” His voice was very soft. “And like as not, you’d have done it anyway. Believe me, love, I know how you feel. No matter whose son he is, he’s only a child. I saw the ones in Amílcar, too, and it still makes my palms itch for the sword. But Phèdre, you swore it to her .”
“I know, I know.” All of that, my oath extracted, and she had still written to Pharaoh behind my back. Well and so; had I expected otherwise? He might have restored her son to her. And I, loyal to my Queen, would give him unto Ysandre’s keeping. I had vowed to do no less, and Melisande knew full well that was a promise I would keep. I closed my eyes, feeling her fleeting kiss burn against my lips. “She said I was the conscience she never wanted.”
“And you believed it?”
I couldn’t fault him for his dry incredulity. I opened my eyes and gazed up at him. “Yes. No. I don’t know, Joscelin. The priest of Kushiel, the last time I went-” I couldn’t help a shudder of remembered pleasure, “-he reminded me, all the Companions, even Kushiel, even Cassiel , Joscelin, do but follow in Blessed Elua’s shadow. I can only believe we do the same.”
“Love as thou wilt,” Joscelin murmured, “and pray like hell it is enough.”
I nodded, my throat too tight to speak. I looked away and stared at the undulating waves until it passed. “What else can I do?
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