Lady Chatterley's Lover

appreciation, he grabbed her by the ankles, pulled her back down on the blanket and started to roger her again.
    ‘I must go now,’ she insisted. ‘There’s cottage pie for dinner.’
    Every word came out in a jerked voice as he continued to bang away. Suddenly, to her horror, she realized he was eating a cheese sandwich.
    ‘Just a snack,’ he gasped.
    ‘There’s something sticking in me through the blanket,’ she said.
    ‘It’s my fly buttons,’ he said.
    Then it was all over, mostly over her. ‘I’ll light the lamp,’ he said.
    So far they’d been fucking in Braille. He kissed the inside of her thighs. ‘Don’t forget the Sanatogen,’ he winked.
    They dressed. He opened the door, outside waited the faithful dog, soaked to the skin, he’d be glad when this screwing was over. Mellors held up the lantern, she looked into his strange eyes; fancy, two pounds thirty shillings, would he ever be able to break the habit.
    ‘It’s quarter to seven, you’ll do it,’ he said.
    Yes, I’ll do it, she thought, and why not, he’s just done me.
    ‘I’ll come tomorrow,’ she whimpered.
    ‘Aye,’ he said. ‘Not so late, I want to get back to eight a second.’
    Suddenly he grabbed her, whipped his hand up her dress and felt her fanny, the hairs on it were like bristles, as he let each one go they went Pinggg! Oh, they’re going to do a knee-trembler thought the dog and started to howl.
    ‘Please don’t kick his arse,’ she begged and was gone into the night. He returned to his cottage for a pleasant hour of sewing on fly buttons. There’s an old country saying: ‘There’s nowt like it.’
    The next day she didn’t go to the woods because of a big surprise. She went out instead with Clifford. He could occasionally go out in the car. He had got a strong man as a chauffeur — he was so strong he could lift a bar bell 399 pounds in weight above his head and leave it there! So he could lift Clifford out of the car if need be — there were frequent ‘needs be’, you can’t live in a car. He went to see Leslie Winter at Shipley Hall.
    Winter was an elderly gentleman and had been since he was seven. He was a wealthy coal owner, he owned three 100-cwt sacks. He’d had his heyday in King Edward’s time, it was very nice of Edward to let Winter have his heyday in the King’s time. King Edward had stayed at Winter’s for the shooting, but each time the old man had hidden. Winter, his home was a handsome Georgian stucco villa. He prided himself on his style, which was in a field a mile away, but the place was beset by collieries: there was one in every room. Winter did not entertain much respect for Clifford because of photographs in illustrated papers, especially the Exchange and Mart ! Towards Constance he was always gallant, but that was only toward s: sideways and backwards he was different. He thought her an attractive, demure maiden, he was no judge of character. Dr Crippen had been the family doctor. Constance wondered what he would say if he found that Lord Chatterley’s gamekeeper was having intercourse with her. Would it be, ‘Stop that,’ or ‘Pull that thing out Mellors’? Winter gave her a rather lovely miniature of an eighteenth-century lady, rather against her will, in fact the eighteenth-century lady asked for it back.
    But Constance was worried about her affair with the gamekeeper. At that moment he was in his cottage further reinforcing the buttons on his flies.

    If you go down in the woods today
    Beware of a big surprise
    For there inside the wood you’ll find
    He who has reinforced flies.

    She did not go to the woods that day in case of a big surprise. For days she didn’t go. She refused to go and open her thighs to that man. He’d have to use a crowbar. To distract herself, she thought of all the things she could do: she could canvas for Hercules Drought, the Liberal MP, salmon fishing on the Tay, prospecting for oil in Kent, have another mug of Sanatogen and a spoon of Keplers Malt; she resisted all these and did the Charleston instead to a record by the Wolverines.
    Next day she went for a walk in the woods but in the opposite direction to people seeing her, like Norris Creep. She would only appear to be going in a direction, there was no sign it was an opposite direction. It would be a waste of public money to put up a sign saying ‘ opposite direction ’ but it would have been informative to Norris Creep. Suddenly, she heard a dog bark, Bow-wow: yes, that was a