Left for Garbage

totally unexpected, though. I want to make that clear. My sister had been threatening to move herself and Deeley out of my folks’ place since Deeley was about a month old. That was how early the great babysitting wars, as me and my dad call them, had started. The babysitting wars I’m referring to was this power struggle my mom and Denise were in. Denise wanted to be young and free and party, and my mom wanted her to be a good full-time mom to Deeley, and so it was this constant thing and it escalated over time.
    My parents, well really it was my mom , felt that Denise moved out with Deeley to punish her for not babysitting Deeley enough and for always asking Denise to spend time at home with her baby, and what she says could be true. Denise always seemed to be angry at my mom. Well, she’s angry at my dad too but that’s because she thinks he doesn’t make enough money. But, anyway, if what mom said about her taking Deeley to get even with her, or both her and my dad, is true, then she definitely scored there because my folks missed Deeley so much during the month she was gone, which of course turned into being gone for all this time, and they’ve never stopped missing her and they never will. They loved that little girl so much. Me too. We all did … do I mean … we all do love her so much.
    Oh God , I don’t know what I mean. This whole thing is so warped that I never know what I’m supposed to say or even to think. You know, though, and I wish people were remembering this, it’s my sister that lost the most. Deeley was … I mean is … her daughter, her own baby. She’s devastated, she really is. I wish people could understand that … understand that even … Goddammit, I mean, when she comes home, that none of us will ever really recover from this.
    O kay, I’m getting tired here. Let’s go back to how it was in June, okay?
    I was in a strange position. I knew that whatever I said someone would be mad at me, so I didn’t say much of anything, but I did see my sister’s point of view. My parents are no walk in the park to live with. My dad is basically Professor Depression and half-checked most of the time, and my mom tends to work herself up into some kind of hysterical state about every other hour, and anyway you need to get out, get on with it and get your own life after high school, like I did. But, you know, I don’t want to take sides here because I can see both points on this. Yes, my parents can be hard to live with, which is why I don’t live with them, but to move out and get your own place you have to make some sacrifices, like getting a job for example. My mom can be controlling and she can be relentless too, and as for my dad, he might as well be dead, because while he’s there, he’s not, if you know what I mean. With him it’s all ‘Just keep Margaret happy, let her have what she wants’ so she’ll get off his back, and if his kids get in her way, like Denise does, then I wouldn’t count on him to defend Denise or me or himself, for that matter. Honestly, my dad is like a zombie, he is, and I hate to say that because he’s a nice guy, he really is, but God, he’s so weak and pathetic. Denise calls him a pussy to his face all the time. I don’t but I don’t disagree with her.
    At least with my mom I ca n respect her. The lady’s got balls, I’ll give her that. So does my sister, which explains why they have problems. But my mom is a really hard-working lady too and my sister not so much, and I guess that is pretty much the root of why they go to war all the time.
    With my dad , it’s like I want to love him. I wish I could but there’s so little there. He’s a guy who every chair he sits in is empty, whereas my mom, she’s hard, it’s true, but at least you can rely on her and talk to her because she’s not some damn half-dead person who you can barely look at. With my sister, you can’t really rely on her like with my mom but she’s real too. She has opinions and plans, and she stands up for herself, and despite some lies and bullshit along the way, I’ve always felt like she and I were together, like we had each other’s backs. It’s always been kind of me and Denise against them, even though I do love my mom and I don’t hate my dad.
    But I still love my sister the most , and so I’m going to keep believing in her, no matter what, because if I lose Denise now that Deeley’s gone, then who do I have left?
    My sister and I are pretty close , and while