Life and Death are Wearing Me Out

window.
    “Sister-in-law, let me give you and my worthy nephew a ride.”
    Limping badly as she walked hand-in-hand with Kaifang, who was holding the puppy in his other arm, she walked right past us, head held high.
    “How stubborn can you get!” Jinlong exclaimed as he banged his fist against the steering wheel, producing an urgent honk. He kept his eyes on the road ahead. “Don’t underestimate that woman,” he said. “She’s a handful.”
    We caught up with her a second time, and Jinlong stuck his head out the window again, beeping his horn to get her attention.
    “You’re not ignoring me because my car’s so run-down, are you, sister-in-law?”
    Hezuo kept walking, head high, eyes fixed relentlessly on the road ahead. She was wearing gray pants; the right pant leg was rounded, the left sort of caved in, and there was a blood or an iodine stain on the seat. She had my sympathy, no doubt about that, but I still found her repulsive. Bobbed hair that revealed the pale skin of her neck, emaciated ears with virtually no lobes, a wart on her cheek with two black hairs — one long and one short — and the greasy smell of oil fritters that never washed off, I found them all repulsive.
    Jinlong drove up ahead and stopped in the middle of the road, where he opened the door and climbed out. Standing beside the Jeep with his hands on his hips, legs apart, he wore a defiant look. I hesitated for a moment before joining him outside.
    The stalemate was set, and I was thinking that if Hezuo had the legendary powers of superheroes, she’d step on me, step on Jinlong, and flatten the Jeep, neither stopping nor walking around us. The late-afternoon sunlight on her face highlighted her dark, bushy eyebrows, which nearly met in the center of her forehead, her thin lips, and a pair of smallish eyes, which were now filled with tears. How could I not sympathize with someone like that? Still, I found her repellent.
    The look of displeasure on Jinlong’s face gave way to a mischievous smile.
    “Young sister-in-law, I know what a come-down it is for you to ride in a run-down car like this, and I know you’ve always looked down on me, a simple peasant. I also know that you’d walk all the way to the county town before you’d get into my car. Sure, you can keep walking, but Kaifang can’t. So won’t you help me out of this awkward situation, for the sake of my worthy nephew, if nothing else?”
    Jinlong walked up to her, bent down, and picked up Kaifang and the puppy. Hezuo put up feeble resistance, but he had already opened the car door and deposited Kaifang and the puppy on the backseat. Kaifang cried out “Mama,” his voice cracking. Puppy Four added a couple of weak barks. I opened the door on the other side, glared at her, and said mockingly:
    “Your chariot, your Highness!”
    She didn’t move.
    “Huanhuan’s aunt,” Jinlong said, smiling broadly, “if your husband weren’t here, I’d pick you up and put you in the car.”
    Hezuo blushed. The look in her eyes as she stared at Jinlong was a complex one. I knew what she was thinking at that moment. I’m being truthful when I say that my feelings of repulsion toward her had nothing to do with what had happened between her and Jinlong, just as I wouldn’t be repelled by intimacies between a woman I loved and her husband. To my surprise, she got into the car, but from Jinlong’s side, not mine. I slammed my door shut; Jinlong shut his door.
    As we started off down the bumpy road, I glanced into the rearview mirror to see that she had her arms wrapped tightly around her son, whose arms were in turn wrapped tightly around the puppy. That really upset me.
    “You’re going too far this time,” I muttered, just as we were negotiating a small, narrow stone bridge. She abruptly opened the door and would have jumped out if not for Jinlong, who kept his left hand on the steering wheel, reached back with his right, and grabbed her by the hair; I spun around and held her by the arm. The boy started crying, the dog started barking. When we reached the far end, Jinlong drove his fist into my chest.
    “Stupid bastard!” he growled.
    He stopped the car and climbed out; wiping his sweaty forehead with his sleeve, he kicked the door and cursed:
    “You’re a stupid bastard too!” he growled at Hezuo “You can die, he can die, and so can I. But what about Kaifang? A three-year-old boy, what’s he done to deserve that?”
    Kaifang was still bawling; Puppy Four was