Life and Death are Wearing Me Out

all, my in-laws. Then I faced north and, with all the respect and solemnity I could manage, kowtowed to Pang Hu and his wife. I was grateful for their support and even more grateful for bringing Chunmiao into this world. Then I stood up and backed over to the door, where I bowed deeply, straightened up, turned around, and, without a word, walked out of the house and down the road, heading west.
    I could tell by my driver’s attitude that my days as an official had come to an end. I’d no sooner returned from the provincial capital than he complained to me that my wife had made him drive her and my son somewhere, and not on official business. He hadn’t come to pick me up, claiming that the car was experiencing electrical problems. I’d had to hitch a ride with the Agricultural Bureau bus home. Now I was walking toward the county town. But did I really want to go back there? To do what? I should be going to wherever Chunmiao was. But where was she?
    Jinlong drove up in his Cadillac and stopped alongside me. He opened the door.
    “Get in.”
    “That’s okay.”
    “I said get in!” Clearly he would brook no disobedience. “I want to talk to you.”
    I climbed into his luxurious car.
    Next I was in his luxurious office.
    He sat slouched in a burgundy leather armchair, leisurely smoking a cigarette and staring up at the chandelier.
    “Would you say that life is like a dream?” he asked light-heartedly.
    I silently waited for him to go on.
    “Do you remember how we used to tend our ox on the riverbank?” he said. “In order to get you to join the commune I slugged you once every day. At the time, who could have imagined that twenty years later the People’s Commune would be like a house built on sand, washed away in front of our eyes? I’d never have believed back then that one day you would rise to the position of deputy county chief and I’d be the CEO of a corporation. So many of the sacred things we’d have lost our heads over aren’t worth a dog’s fart today.”
    I held my tongue, knowing that this wasn’t what he wanted to talk about.
    He sat up straight, stubbed out the cigarette he’d just lit, and gazed intently at me.
    “There are plenty of pretty girls in town, so why jeopardize everything to chase after that skinny monkey? Why didn’t you come to me if you wanted some fun? Black, white, fat, skinny, I could easily get you what you wanted. You want to try a change of diet? Those Russian girls only charge a thousand a night!”
    “If this is what you dragged me over here to talk about,” I said as I got to my feet, “I’m not sticking around.”
    “Stay where you are!” he shouted angrily, slamming his fist on the desk and sending the ashes in his ashtray flying. “You’re a bastard, through and through. A rabbit doesn’t eat the grass around its burrow, and in this case, it’s not even very good grass.” He lit another cigarette, took a deep drag, and coughed. “What do you know about my relationship with Pang Kangmei?” he asked as he stubbed out the cigarette. “She’s my mistress! The planned Ximen Village resort, if you want to know, is our venture, our bright future, a future you’re screwing up with your dick!”
    “I’m not interested in what you’re doing,” I said. “My only interest is Chunmiao.”
    “I take it that means you’re not giving up,” he said. “Do you really want to marry the girl?”
    I nodded forcefully.
    “Well, it’s not going to happen, no way!” He stood up and paced the floor of his spacious office before walking up and thumping me in the chest. “Break this off at once,” he said unambiguously. “Anything else you want to do, just leave it to me. After a while you’ll realize that women are what they are, and nothing more.”
    “You’ll excuse me,” I said, “but that’s disgusting. You have no right to interfere in my life, and I certainly don’t need you to help me arrange it.”
    I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm and said in a milder tone:
    “Okay, maybe there is such a thing as love, damn it. So what do you say we work out a compromise? Get your emotions under control and knock off this talk about divorce. Stop seeing Ghunmiao for a while, and I’ll arrange a transfer to another county, maybe even farther, one of the metropolitan areas or a provincial capital, at the same level you are now. You put in a little time, and I’ll see that you get a promotion. Then if you still want to divorce Hezuo, leave